Dear Bully

Dear bully, 

I'm sorry that you feel threatened by me. 
I am sorry that you blame me for a lot of your problems. 
I'm sorry that you think my life is perfect and yours isn't. (My life is far from ideal let alone perfect.)
I'm sorry that you don't feel comfortable coming to me about things I "have done" to you. 
I'm sorry you feel like I don't love you. 

But the fact is this: I don't love you. 
I don't even like you. 
But for the sake of many, I tolerate you and do my best to not cause more problems or hurt. 
When you are nearby, I paint on a smile and pretend that everything is fine. 

The truth: It's not fine. 
You have hurt me!
You have hurt my family!
You have taken too little time to get to know me.
You don't know who I am. 
You don't know my likes and dislikes. 
You just know the protector and defender side of me, which you call bullying and other names. 

I have tried to get to know you.
I have tried to be nice. 
I have come to events to support you and your family. 
I reached out to you when you were going through a hard time, but you turned me away.
I have even begged for your forgiveness for what I have done to you. 
I have forgiven you, even when you haven't apologized.

And yet, you still attack me.
You still call me names.
You still say I'm the reason for your hardship.
You still ignore me.
You still glare at me when we are together. 
You still talk about me behind my back as if I would never find out. 
You post about me on social media, thinking that because we aren't "friends" I won't hear about it. 
You still complain about me to your spouse. 
You still say that I am hurting you, even though I'm not doing anything. 

I'm sorry our relationship has become what it is now. 
I always hoped that we could lean on each other and help each other. 
I hoped that we would become sisters because I never had an older sister to help and guide me. 
I hoped that we would share favorite movies, books, music, clothes, etc. 
I hoped that we would have our kids grow up together and share funny stories later in life.  

But it is not to be.
Because you have hurt me and held onto a pointless, unhealthy grudge.

You probably will never see this.
But if you do, my wish is that you will let your hatred go. 
Let go of the hurt. 
Open up to me.
Be open up to the possibility that I'm not who you think I am in your mind.
I understand you are hurting and struggling. 
Let me help. 

I never meant to hurt you.
I still don't mean to hurt you.
But you have hurt me and continue to do so. 

And so I say, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for you.

Sincerely,
Me

Early Morning Thoughts on the Couch

As I'm laying here on the couch early in the morning, yet again, all by myself, I can help but have the following thoughts:

I miss this. 
I miss being able to watch whatever I want whenever I want. 
I miss being able to wake up on my own without any crying or screaming.
I miss being able to do whatever I want whenever I want. 
I miss not worrying about two littles.
I miss not being in so much debt from creating littles that don't even look like me!
I miss being comfortable.
I miss sleeping the morning away.
I miss going to sleep at night and not being woken up by a little hand smacking my face.
I miss not being a mom.

But then I walk down the hall to wake up Squid. As I open the door and see that he's awake, I can't help but crawl into his tiny bed and snuggle with him as he tells me about his dreams and have the following thoughts:

I missed you.
I missed playing with you all day long. 
I missed helping you get food, get dressed, etc.
I missed holding you in my arms.
I missed telling stories with you.
I missed doing puzzles with you.
I missed chasing you around the couch/house just for fun.
I miss your brother Kickboxer.
I missed being a mom. 

Motherhood is so weird. You hate being a mom and being responsible for two littles and can't wait until they are in bed so you can have a minute to yourself. But as soon as you get a moment to yourself, you miss those littles and just want them with you all the time. 

Dear Lady Who Skinny Shamed Me

The other day I was out in public and was stopped by a women who said, "There's something wrong here." I looked around to make sure I had everything and I could see nothing "wrong". After I looked back at her confused, she continued and said, "You shouldn't look that good right after giving birth. It's just not right." She may have meant it as a compliment, but it sure as heck did not come across as one. She was not the first to comment on how well I look but the way that she said it left me feeling sick and frustrated.



Dear lady who skinny shamed me, 

Thank you for noticing me and feeling like you needed to make a comment. However, what you said was a harsh, back-handed compliment and you should have thought about what you said before saying it. 

There is nothing "wrong" with me. So what if I've lost almost all of the baby weight two months after giving birth? What business is it of yours? 

You have no idea what I felt like when I was pregnant. You have no idea how uncomfortable I was in my pregnant body. You have no idea how much I am negative about my appearance, especially during and after pregnancy. 

Did you know that I had no tearing during delivery? Did you know I was given permission by my doctor to start working out as soon as I felt up to it? No, you didn't! Why? Because you didn't ask how I was. You didn't even sign up or offer to help me after I got home from the hospital. In fact, all you have said to me after delivery is that there is "something wrong" with how good I look after delivery. 

About 90% of the weight I gained while pregnant was all baby. I got sick with food poisoning about halfway through my pregnancy and lost a lot of the extra weight I had gained at that point. Then afterwards, I tried to eat healthy and do whatever exercise I could manage to help me not gain too much weight. So after delivery, I didn't have a ton of weight to lose, mostly just loose skin to tighten. After a few weeks, I was finally getting the energy to work out and Kickboxer was on a schedule where I found the time to get in a ten minute work out and start feeling more comfortable in my skin again. 

I'm still not where I want to be. I still have a pouch. I can still see many of my stretch marks. My butt and thighs are bigger than I wish they were. I have love handles. And I still have loose skin. But I am working on it, because I want to feel like me again. I want to feel comfortable in my body again. 

I'm not working out because I am vain. I'm not working out for my husband. I'm working out for me. I want to better myself. And if wanting to better myself and feel comfortable is what's "wrong" with me, you need to reevaluate your life and what you think "right" and "wrong" is. 

So, thank you for noticing me, but no thank you.

Sincerely, 
Sarah

Today Was a Bad Day

Today was a bad day.

Today I almost didn't get out of bed.

Today I yelled at my kids.
Today I was exhausted beyond belief from lack of sleep.

Today I sat on the couch and played on my phone.

Today I didn't want to hold my baby.

Today I had thoughts that I am ashamed of.

Today I didn't care if my toddler threw a fit.

Today I just let my baby scream.

Today I wanted nothing more than to just go back to bed.

Today I felt nothing.

Today I felt anger.

Today I just wanted to scream.
Today I have barely eaten.

Today I didn't want to be a mom.

Today I wanted my old life.

Today I wanted to run away.

Today I hid myself.

Today I didn't care about anything.

Today I cried.

Today my demons got the better of me.

Today was a bad day.

But tomorrow is a new day!

Tomorrow I have the chance to be better than I was today.

Tomorrow can be completely different.

Tomorrow hasn't been stained with negativity yet.

Tomorrow is a clean slate.

Tomorrow is a new chance.

Tomorrow could be a good day.

Tomorrow could be a great day!

Tomorrow I could defeat my demons.

Tomorrow I could be happy.

Tomorrow is a new day.

As you know, I recently gave birth to my second son. And as many of you know, with my first son I got hit with a mild case of postpartum depression when he turned 8 months old. I wish I could say the same thing again, but I'd be lying. This time around it's hit me much earlier and harder. But this time around I have gotten help sooner. I still have my bad days, but I can handle them a little bit easier. I just have to keep reminding myself that if today is a bad day, if yesterday was a bad day, if I've had many bad days in a row, tomorrow is a new day to try again. 

A Blessing Amid Chaos

Baby Kickboxer has made his debut! He's about three weeks old and FATMAN! and I are absolutely in love with him. Though he has warmed up to a baby being in the house, Squid still doesn't fully know what to think about Kickboxer or being a big brother. 

But the way that Kickboxer made his debut is one for the books. If I hadn't been there and witnessed it myself, I wouldn't believe it happened like this. 

First, a little back story: My labor and delivery with the Squid was quite easy, typical, and had very little problems. I was able to labor through the contractions with breathing techniques and relaxing in the tub. I did not get an epidural (but I was asking for it at the end when it was too late). I had to have my waters broken by the doctor. Squid decided to start coming before I was fully dilated and I ended up pushing for two hours. I tore a little bit and needed 4 stitches. For it being my first labor and delivery, it was good and much better than I expected it to be. 

My labor and delivery with Kickboxer was completely different. It was hard. It was ugly. 
My water broke at 3 am when I rolled over in bed after FATMAN! bumped me when he rolled over. I immediately sat up getting my bed all wet and woke FATMAN! up then jumped to action to get everything together and ready to go to the hospital. As soon as the sitter arrived to stay with Squid until my parents arrived, FATMAN! and I were off. 

As soon as we got to my room and somewhat settled, I was told my water had indeed broken (they tested just to be sure) and that I was only dilated 1 cm. It was going to be a while before Kickboxer arrived. Both FATMAN! and I did our best to relax and rest while contractions started and progressed. By the time the nurses rotated 3 hours after we arrived, I was dilated to 3 cm and my contractions were all over the place.

My new nurse suggested I lay on my side to help move contractions along. So I did... and my contractions sure did come closer together, but they also became more and more intense as time passed. I did my best to manage the pain, but as time went on and my contractions became unbearable, I started to cry and started to ask for an epidural, which I had planned on not doing. After about an hour and a half of crying and asking but being torn with making a final decision, I gave in and told FATMAN! that I wanted an epidural. Which was perfect timing because my nurse had just come in to check on things again. I told the nurse my decision and after checking the progress (I was dilated to 5 cm), she went and got the anesthesiologist. He was super nice and quite funny. It took about 20 minutes for the epidural to start working, but once it kicked in and my pain started to subside, FATMAN! left to get lunch and I rested. Within an hour, I was starting to feel much better and fell asleep for about an hour. 

The next few hours were quite uneventful. FATMAN! and I sat and laid around watching TV and checked in with my parents who had come up to help with the Squid. Progression had slowed so I was put on oxytocin around 3:30-ish and I was rolled onto my side yet again. Nearing the end of labor, I started feeling pressure from my contractions and a kick here and there from Kickboxer, but other than that, nothing exciting happened. 

And then at about 5:20 (I honestly don't know, I'm guesstimating) I felt this odd feeling near my hip. The best way I can explain it is that it felt like a fluttery kick (when you first start feeling your baby moving around inside you at the beginning of pregnancy). I thought it was odd, but didn't think anything else about it. Then I felt the exact same thing a minute later.... then thirty seconds later. It was after that third time that I told FATMAN! to go get my nurse. Instead of doing what I said, he came to the other side of my bed to check on my contractions on the monitor. When he saw that nothing was wrong, he turned towards the door and saw a bulge under the sheet that wasn't quite right. He said something to the effect of "He's here" and ran out the door. I immediately threw back the sheet just in time to see Kickboxer's butt and legs emerge. At that sight I was overcome with many emotions: relief that it was finally over, happiness that I didn't have to push at all let alone two hours, fear because he was bluer than Squid when he was born and the umbilical cord was wrapped around his body (and the sheet didn't clear his head), and awe and wonderment (possibly a little shock). 

My nurse, the baby nurse, and an extra nurse all came rushing in with FATMAN! at the caboose. A fourth nurse went to the room next to mine to get my doctor (who didn't believe at first that I had delivered without his assistance) and he came in a minute later. While one nurse was taking care of Kickboxer and another one was taking care of me, my doctor, FATMAN!, and I were trying to figure out what had happened. My doctor has the theory that Kickboxer was in a bad position all during labor and then he finally rolled over and just slid right now. At the same time as we were discussing the miracle, I was waiting to hear my son cry. It must have only been about a minute, but it felt like forever to me. The nurse said that he had extra fluid in his passageways and that was what caused him to have a hard time breathing at first. Still the pediatrician put us on house arrest for a few days because of it. But as soon as he did cry, my fear subsided and I was so happy to know that my son was healthy. 

It's been an interesting and rough three weeks since then. Kids change everything. When one of those kids is a terrible two and the other is a newborn, hardly anything stays clean or gets done all at once, especially now that FATMAN! is back to his normal work schedule. I manage. Some days I go to bed tired and weary. Other days I go to bed exhausted because I've been up since before the sun with no break or rest. Some days I wonder why I even wanted children in the first place. And then Squid says the cutest thing and Kickboxer smiles while sleeping in my arms. It's the small things that make it worth all the crazy and stressful times. 

No, I Haven't Fallen Off the Face of the Earth

My dear readers, 

I just want to quickly say thank you for reading my blog and no, I haven't fallen off the planet. I have simply (dang pregnancy brain) forgotten that I have this blog. But I have also been busy. July brought on a couple of trips home, false alarms about labor, frustration, heat, and overall craziness. 

The Squid (now being just a few weeks from his birthday) has decided to become a full on Terrible Two Toddler before his second birthday. He's been very disobedient and rebellious and, frankly, I don't know how much more I can handle! It's crazy how my sweet little angel is now so picky, says no to everything, and doesn't listen to me. So that's been frustrating. 

My sister got married in the middle of July. That was interesting to say the least. Let's just say that I'm glad it wasn't my wedding, but I wish that certain people had minded the schedule that was put together (though one incident was my fault), especially when it came to eating food. It was good, but things did not go smoothly. But it was great to have some time off from work (both FATMAN! and I) and to just relax after all of the chaos with my family. 

Then work started up afterwards again. I love my "job" as a Jamberry consultant. I truly do, but everything has its ups and downs and July was a small down after April, May, and June. (Things are already looking up for August!) So that was a little bit of a bummer, but not quite as frustrating and/or stressful as it was for FATMAN!. He manages the store that he works in and summer is the busiest time of the year. So he (and I) prefer to have as many employees in the store as possible during summer. At the end of June, the assistant manager took a different job and moved away. It was a great opportunity for the assistant manager, but that left FATMAN! one employee short. AND he isn't getting a replacement for another couple of weeks. So he's gone all of July missing his assistant manager and he's had to pick up hours, clean up any messes caused by other employees, and do the manager and assistant manager responsibilities. He has definitely been stressed and run ragged. I am so grateful that he has sacrificed so much so that I can stay home with the kids. 

Speaking of kids, Storm, our puppy, has also become a brat. And I'm going to leave it at that for the sake of lengthy blog posts. 

Then a couple of weeks after my sister's wedding, I had the opportunity presented to me to go to a meeting at Jamberry Home Office. So I convinced FATMAN! to make the drive again to my parents' house and I was able to go to a very wonderful and much needed meeting. I got training, motivation, new ideas, and I got to go with my sister in law! It was great! (Not to mention the free and discounted stuff I got.)

On top of all of these events, it's summer. It's hot and miserable. On top of that, I'm near the end of my pregnancy. I hate summer in general. I hate being hot and sweaty and exhausted. This is my second summer pregnancy and I knew what to expect as far as pregnant in summer goes, but I never thought this time around would be harder to cope with. I thought my little angel would stay an angel a little bit longer, I didn't think my unborn son would cause me so much pain and worry (referring to the false alarm labor scare I mentioned earlier), and I certainly didn't expect that my husband would be so much busier and more stressed from work and other things in our lives. I am just over 7 weeks away from my due date. It's going to be the longest 7 weeks of the summer. I can say that with confidence because this whole summer has been LONG! I hate being pregnant in summer and I will never do it again, but I can't wait to meet my little boy. 

Sorry for going on a ranting spree. I just needed to get it out in a different form. Thanks for sticking with me. Hopefully, I'll remember to post more often until D day. 

When in Doubt, Stop and Think

Just a quick thought for you all today. 

The past few weeks have been hard for me for many different reasons and last night I had a moment when I thought I was going to lose my baby. But something told me not to jump to the worse case scenario. After that one thought, I stopped and thought. I thought about my first pregnancy and what I had been told and had read. The only think I could think of at the time was to rest and wait an hour. If things got worse, I would go to the hospital. If things got better, I wouldn't bother and just take things easy for the rest of the night. Had I jumped to conclusions and went to the hospital like my first thoughts were, I would have wasted so many people's time and would have been charged money that I don't have. Instead, I rested at home where I was most comfortable and everything got better.

This made me think about how many times people just jump to conclusions and/or action when they really should stop and think before reacting. There are some instances where immediately jumping to action is better than hesitating, but as I was thinking about some of the experiences I've had lately, I (or others) could have handled the situations better if we had just stopped and thought about what was going on before reacting and potentially causing more problems. 

So, word of advice: when in doubt, stop and think. It could make things so much better. 

Shout Out to Single Moms

I would like to give a big shout out to all of the single moms out there. No matter what you may think, as long as you still have your children and they are fed and clothed, you are doing a great job. 

Every once in a while, FATMAN! has to go away for work and I become a single mom temporarily. But let me tell you, those few days that he is gone are the longest and hardest days of my life! And I can't even imagine what those who are definitely single moms go through all the time. It's hard! Especially with more than just the Squid now (we got a puppy).

So if you are a single mom by choice, by happenstance, by accident, because your spouse is military or works another job where he is away a lot of the time, or because you just haven't found the right guy, don't give up. You may not be the most energetic, well put together, organized, clean, heck, I'll even put presentable out there, but you are doing what you can, right? And if you are doing all that you can just to take care of and provide for your child(ren), that's all that matters and they will thank you for it one day. If you are a single mom and energetic, well put together, organized, clean, and presentable all the time, you need to share your secrets. 

I may not be a single mom all the time, but the times that FATMAN! is away makes me appreciate all you women who are making it work on your own. Go you! Keep going. You are strong, even when you feel the weakest. Keep fighting for your kids, because they make this life worth it. 

A Quick Thought

You may only live once (or YOLO as it is referred to these days), but you must remember: you only live once.

You get ONE life.

Don't waste it by being an idiot.

A Cure for A Bad Day

I have a board on my Pinterest account that is entitled "A Cure for a Bad Day" and recently it has proven to be so. My Squid has been having bad days or has woken up from afternoon naps in absolute hysterics and there has been only one thing that will calm him down: Looking at the pins on the above mentioned Pinterest board. So, I would like to share with you some of the images that the two of us see when I open the board. 

WARNING: Cuteness overload past this line.

To view more pictures and/or articles to brighten your day, go to https://www.pinterest.com/swheels35/a-cure-for-a-bad-day/

Who I Am

This post has taken me all month to write so that I get it just right. I still don't think it's perfect, but I hope it gives you a look into who I am. 

I've been thinking a lot lately about myself and who I am. I've also been thinking about why I am who I am. Why I have become so hard and mean and judgmental. And I think I have come to an answer after pondering for many days, weeks, and months. 

I grew up surrounded by high expectations and, sometimes harsh, judgment. If you didn't live up to the expectations, you were a huge disappointment and something should be done about it. If you didn't fit in with everyone else, you were a freak and should be out-casted. If you didn't believe exactly what everyone else believed, you were blasphemous and shouldn't be allowed in the group. If you looked different (hair, dress, piercings, tattoos, etc.), you were a bad influence and should be locked up. If you made a mistake, even just one tiny mistake, you were stupid and should go sit in the corner with a coloring book. It was hard living with these people! Especially when these people were my leaders who were supposed to set an example for me. Guess what examples I saw and learned from?! 

Living in this world is difficult and if you let it, the world will make you cruel, hard, and stupid. I have seen it happen right before my very eyes. I've seen it in the news. I've seen it on the streets. I've seen it right in front of me in the mirror. It's hard having an opinion that is different from what everyone else's opinion is. It's difficult to want to share your insights and opinions because you know that someone will stand up and say, "YOU'RE WRONG!" "YOU'RE A HATER!" "YOU'RE STUPID!" or "HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT, YOU %^$&#?!" What's harder is when those sayings come from the people who you trusted, loved, and looked up to the most. 

Respect is one thing that was carved into me growing up and it's one thing that I don't take lightly. In the past when I was disrespected, I usually would just take it quietly and then walk away, usually crying. But after years and years of taking it and then being told I was going to Hell for a personal choice, I made the decision that I was not going to stand by and be disrespected anymore. I was going to start opening my mouth and defend myself. I may come across as mean or maybe even prideful, but the person disrespecting me is meaner and downright rude. There is no reason to disrespect someone, especially a stranger. I try my best every day to not disrespect anyone anywhere. I try my best to keep to myself and be as kind as possible. 

People in today's society are rude to anyone and everyone they run into (literally and figuratively). If you go so far as to look at someone, you had better be prepared for a talking to full of colorful language. When did our society become so self centered? Oh wait.... Has it ever not been self centered? I think not. I just think that people are more careless about hurting other people's feelings so they will just say whatever is on their mind and then just walk away without a second thought. I have been insulted by so many strangers that some days I don't get out of the house if I don't have to just to not put myself in a situation like that. I don't like having my feelings hurt. I don't know of anyone who likes having their feelings hurt. And because I don't like my feelings hurt, I also don't like hurting other people. So I do my best every day, everywhere I go to not hurt anyone else's feelings. In fact, I try to brighten their day if I can!

I have been told that I am one of the nicest, sweetest people in the world and I take that to heart and do my best to live up to that standard that I unconsciously created for myself. But I am human! I am not a god. I am not a super hero. I am from the planet Earth. I promise you that I make mistakes. I have made mistakes in the past. I will make mistakes in the future. Heck, I have and will make mistakes today. I slip up. When I feel hurt, I can't always push it away and move on. Sometimes I slip and take it out on someone else. When this happens, I feel bad about it afterwards. I may not always say sorry, but that doesn't mean I don't feel it. I am too caring not to feel bad. 

Everyday I am faced with many chances to either lash out or be kind. Sometimes I am easily hurt and sometimes I can take a few hits before I'm down. Sometimes I am strong and can look pass the hurtful moves. Sometimes I give in to the anger inside me and I end up hurting others. No matter what happens, everyday I do my best to be my best. But being my best doesn't always happen. And when I am not my best, when I hurt someone, I regret it. I honestly regret when I hurt anyone, intentionally or not. It hurts me, because I don't like being hurt. And that is why I really do try my best every day to be the best that I can be. 

Where's the Wisdom?

There once was a time when wise men and women were in abundance. We were always hearing one astonishing quote of advice and guidance after another. There was a time when there were many role models all around us that everyone looked up to. Those times have passed. And why? Where did the wisdom go? Did it just stop or did it taper off? Are there still wise men out there and they just keep their wisdom to themselves? In today's society when negativity and crime and awfulness is everywhere you turn, where is the guidance we need? Where are the warnings? Where is the wisdom?

There are many conspiracy theories out there and I'm not going to go into any of them (mostly because I don't care), but where are the wise leaders that we used to have? When did politics and lying become a sport? When we find a presidential candidate that we absolutely love and trust, we do everything to support them that we possibly can, including lying and tearing down the "competition." We trust that all that said candidate "promises" will actually come true. In fact, we will even elect them for a second term although said candidate hasn't shown anything to support the promises he made when he first ran. So, why do we elect them again? He hasn't done anything that he promised. Should we really be offering a president who hasn't lived up to his promises a second chance? Where is the wisdom in that?

I know that today's economy isn't the greatest and there are many people who are unemployed or have had their hours cut and are struggling to make ends meet. But how many of those people are actively trying to find a new or better job to be able to support themselves and their families? I know of some people who are really trying and are doing everything they can, even if it means sacrificing time with loved ones. But I know of many people who have decided to just give up, be lazy and carefree, go on welfare, and "let the government take care of everything." People have become lazy couch potatoes and don't care about their loved ones true needs. ***NOTE: I understand and recognize that there are some circumstances, foreseen and unforeseen, that are out of our control. And when these circumstances arise, there is little that can be done sometimes. I get that.*** Some people who have "given up to the government" don't understand what happens when they go on welfare. They think that everything they ever want will be paid for and they can "live the dream." They go out and buy unnecessary toys and gadgets: 60" TV, brand new car, the latest iPhone, etc. And then when they can't afford food or clothing, they complain and blame their problems on other people. If you have gone on welfare, your first priorities should be living: food, clothing, shelter. Where is the wisdom in spending all of your money to play before buying what is needed to survive?

When FATMAN! thinks about wisdom, he thinks about chess. It is said that good chess players plan their moves 2-3 moves in advance and great players even more. FATMAN! can usually plan 1-2 moves in advance. When faced in the situation where your pawn is taken or you take your opponent's pawn, most people will immediately just take the pawn (looking only 1 move ahead). As soon as they have taken their opponent's pawn, the instant gratification is all they get. But if you sacrifice your pawn in order to establish check-mate (looking 3 moves ahead), the gratification is so much greater. 
When compared to real life, I see most people going for the pawn instead of willing to sacrifice their pawn. People are constantly on Facebook and Twitter to get those 15 likes that they need to feel alive. People are getting paid and immediately going to spend it on the latest gadget, alcohol, expensive clothes, etc. instead of using it to buy what is needed and save a little bit over time until one can afford what is on their wishlist. 

Debt is sometimes a good thing (like homes and schooling), but debt mostly is an ugly thing. Have something you want right now but can't afford it right now? Don't worry, says the credit companies, just put in on a credit card and pay for it later. Seems like an easy fix, right? But when you continue to buy something that you can't afford, the money you owe builds and builds and builds. Where is the wisdom in that? 

Where is the wisdom? Where is the man looking out for our well-being? Where is the leader who will always have our best interests at heart? Where are the wise men for our society? It's questions like these that make me grateful to know that I have at least 15 men that I can look to who are wise men and leaders through these perilous times. 

My Month of Chaos!

Since my last actual post, I have moved, started a new business, the Squid has turned a year old, FATMAN! went on a week long business trip, I have thrown a birthday party, started to unpack a house, the Squid has turned into more than a handful, and I have no idea how I'm still alive and mostly sane! Let me tell you it wasn't easy and I definitely wanted to give up or explode at everyone around me many times. 

So let's start at the beginning when it all started. At the beginning of August, FATMAN! and I finally made a decision of when we were going to finish fixing up and move into our new house. We had closed on the house at the end of June and over a month later were still not moved into it. There were walls, cabinets, and closets that needed painting, lights and fixtures that needed replacing, vents installed, doors fixed, and all around cleaning that need to be done before we could move in. We had a list of about 20 things that needed to be done before we could move in and live in the house (it was built in the '70's and still had many of the original features that were not up to code). We only did about half of the items on our list before we moved in, only because we were so tired of waiting and having to deal with our awful neighbors. So, we set a date to move in... and then we had to change it again because of a wedding... and then again because of paint fumes.... and then we FINALLY MOVED IN the Saturday before FATMAN! had to leave for almost an entire week for business, which was also the Saturday before Squid's birthday party. So for the first week in our new house, I was alone with the Squid. Now, it wouldn't have been as bad if our house was newer than it is. This house makes sooooo much noise and creaks and shifts with every little wind that hits it (and we have a lot of wind here) that I didn't sleep the first two nights FATMAN! was gone. It was scary being in a new environment all alone and not knowing anyone who lived by me. Thank goodness for church and birthday activities to get me out of the house every once in a while! 

Also in August, right before moving into the new house, I became a direct sales consultant with a new and growing company. (But I'll go more into that in another post later.) But having to start my training and selling while trying to pack and move and while taking care of an almost one year old is borderline psychotic! I didn't do a lot with my new job while we packed and moved, but I did start training. When you have to split your free time while baby naps between training and packing, you get worn out quickly and don't want to do anything by the time baby's bedtime comes around. As soon as the Squid was down for the night, I usually just sat and watched TV until I couldn't stay awake any longer. 

Right after moving into the new house and while FATMAN! was on his business trip, the Squid turned one! YAY! The two of us didn't do much the day of his birthday, but that weekend was full of fun and family. Family started showing up Friday night and it was great to just sit around and talk and share stories and relax before the chaos started. I am so grateful that we still had our apartment in our name so that I could have enough room for everyone to stay without cramming in our little house and without forcing everyone to get a hotel. It was helpful to me that I didn't have to worry about everyone staying warm or cool enough during the night, having enough food for everyone for every meal, etc. However, when Saturday rolled around I wish I had planned better and had someone to do the catering for the Squid's party. I loved that my family was willing to help with anything I ask them too, but it's hard when everyone is asking JUST ME what they can help with while I'm trying to do all that only I could or wanted to do. I made a monkey cake for the party and I was trying to get it decorated when everyone kept asking me what they could do to help, needing me to come look at things, needing me to take care of other things, trying to have a conversation with me, etc. FATMAN! was working on the grill (after mowing the lawn). That's it! Just standing and making sure that the food didn't burn. I have no idea why everyone had to come to me for every tiny little thing. So the cake didn't turn out the way I wanted it to. It still looked good and I am grateful for my dad helping out with it, but I wish I had had uninterrupted time just to work on it and have it turn out better. But as soon as the party started, everything was somewhat better. Everyone served themselves, we all sat around and talked and laughed at Squid and his cuteness. It was great. I wish I had been able to take pictures so that I wouldn't have to wait for everyone else to send me the pictures they took. I wish I had planned the decorations a little better. I wish... I wish... I wish... But I can't go back and change the past and it's not like the party was a disaster. It just didn't go as well as I had hoped. 

There are a few more little things that happened during August, but they aren't as crazy as the stories I just shared. I'm so happy that it is now September and that I can start with a blank calendar (not as blank anymore) and have some control over my life again. Now if only I can get Squid to stay in one spot for more than 10 seconds.....

Quick Word...

I just wanted to say quickly that I haven't abandoned this blog. My life has just been flipped upside down for the past couple of weeks with moving, starting a new business, planning a birthday party, and life in general. 

More on those details later when I have more time to write.