Since my last actual post, I have moved, started a new business, the Squid has turned a year old, FATMAN! went on a week long business trip, I have thrown a birthday party, started to unpack a house, the Squid has turned into more than a handful, and I have no idea how I'm still alive and mostly sane! Let me tell you it wasn't easy and I definitely wanted to give up or explode at everyone around me many times.
So let's start at the beginning when it all started. At the beginning of August, FATMAN! and I finally made a decision of when we were going to finish fixing up and move into our new house. We had closed on the house at the end of June and over a month later were still not moved into it. There were walls, cabinets, and closets that needed painting, lights and fixtures that needed replacing, vents installed, doors fixed, and all around cleaning that need to be done before we could move in. We had a list of about 20 things that needed to be done before we could move in and live in the house (it was built in the '70's and still had many of the original features that were not up to code). We only did about half of the items on our list before we moved in, only because we were so tired of waiting and having to deal with our awful neighbors. So, we set a date to move in... and then we had to change it again because of a wedding... and then again because of paint fumes.... and then we FINALLY MOVED IN the Saturday before FATMAN! had to leave for almost an entire week for business, which was also the Saturday before Squid's birthday party. So for the first week in our new house, I was alone with the Squid. Now, it wouldn't have been as bad if our house was newer than it is. This house makes sooooo much noise and creaks and shifts with every little wind that hits it (and we have a lot of wind here) that I didn't sleep the first two nights FATMAN! was gone. It was scary being in a new environment all alone and not knowing anyone who lived by me. Thank goodness for church and birthday activities to get me out of the house every once in a while!
Also in August, right before moving into the new house, I became a direct sales consultant with a new and growing company. (But I'll go more into that in another post later.) But having to start my training and selling while trying to pack and move and while taking care of an almost one year old is borderline psychotic! I didn't do a lot with my new job while we packed and moved, but I did start training. When you have to split your free time while baby naps between training and packing, you get worn out quickly and don't want to do anything by the time baby's bedtime comes around. As soon as the Squid was down for the night, I usually just sat and watched TV until I couldn't stay awake any longer.
Right after moving into the new house and while FATMAN! was on his business trip, the Squid turned one! YAY! The two of us didn't do much the day of his birthday, but that weekend was full of fun and family. Family started showing up Friday night and it was great to just sit around and talk and share stories and relax before the chaos started. I am so grateful that we still had our apartment in our name so that I could have enough room for everyone to stay without cramming in our little house and without forcing everyone to get a hotel. It was helpful to me that I didn't have to worry about everyone staying warm or cool enough during the night, having enough food for everyone for every meal, etc. However, when Saturday rolled around I wish I had planned better and had someone to do the catering for the Squid's party. I loved that my family was willing to help with anything I ask them too, but it's hard when everyone is asking JUST ME what they can help with while I'm trying to do all that only I could or wanted to do. I made a monkey cake for the party and I was trying to get it decorated when everyone kept asking me what they could do to help, needing me to come look at things, needing me to take care of other things, trying to have a conversation with me, etc. FATMAN! was working on the grill (after mowing the lawn). That's it! Just standing and making sure that the food didn't burn. I have no idea why everyone had to come to me for every tiny little thing. So the cake didn't turn out the way I wanted it to. It still looked good and I am grateful for my dad helping out with it, but I wish I had had uninterrupted time just to work on it and have it turn out better. But as soon as the party started, everything was somewhat better. Everyone served themselves, we all sat around and talked and laughed at Squid and his cuteness. It was great. I wish I had been able to take pictures so that I wouldn't have to wait for everyone else to send me the pictures they took. I wish I had planned the decorations a little better. I wish... I wish... I wish... But I can't go back and change the past and it's not like the party was a disaster. It just didn't go as well as I had hoped.
There are a few more little things that happened during August, but they aren't as crazy as the stories I just shared. I'm so happy that it is now September and that I can start with a blank calendar (not as blank anymore) and have some control over my life again. Now if only I can get Squid to stay in one spot for more than 10 seconds.....
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
September 8, 2015
July 2, 2015
The Need for Friends
I'm going to get right to the point: I need people. More specifically: I need friends. I need people who will hang out, talk, laugh, and (for lack of a better term) play with me. I need people who will care about me, try to help me, and know when to bring me cookies. I need someone who will be my friend without me asking.
I'm not the most out-going person in the world. I'm not the shyest. But I have been hurt many times and because of that I have a hard time opening up to, trusting, and making connections with people. However, if someone were to make an effort or reach out and try to get to know me, I would do my best to open up and be a friend in return. I can be the most loyal friend you ever meet, if you give me the friendship I need.
I've had my bouts of loneliness in my life. But after finding some amazing friends in high school who took the time to get to know me and care about me I found that the moments of loneliness got fewer and I enjoyed going out and trying new things. These friends were the best thing that could have happened to me. Not every single one of them was available all the time, but I knew that if one was busy, I had another one to go to. I trusted and loved them and they trusted and loved me.
Of course since being out of high school, my friends and I have gone our separate ways and have drifted apart. But when we get together every once in a while, it's a great reunion and I enjoy it. Also since the end of high school, I have made other friends. Some became closer friends than others and some just stayed as acquaintances. But throughout these few years of being away from home and my friends there is one thing that I have always wondered: I think of them. Do they think of me?
I don't need to constantly be in contact with my friends. I don't have to hear from them all the time. I don't have to see them all the time. (Which was hard at first when I moved away from home, but I learned to cope.) But it's nice to be reminded every once in a while that they think of me and miss me. I miss all of them and think of them and the good times we had all the time. I'd like to think that I was a good friend, that I made a difference in their lives.
I value friendship. I truly believe that the friends we make are the family that we choose when you make the right connections. I once considered my friends to be my family because we had those connections. Now that we have grown up and gotten busy with life and growing up, I don't know anymore, because I don't know if I made the impact I thought I did. I don't hear from my friends often. I don't know what they are doing, how they are doing, or even where some of them are at. I don't need to know the details of their lives (even though I kind of want to). All I ask is that they don't forget me.
I'm not the most out-going person in the world. I'm not the shyest. But I have been hurt many times and because of that I have a hard time opening up to, trusting, and making connections with people. However, if someone were to make an effort or reach out and try to get to know me, I would do my best to open up and be a friend in return. I can be the most loyal friend you ever meet, if you give me the friendship I need.
I've had my bouts of loneliness in my life. But after finding some amazing friends in high school who took the time to get to know me and care about me I found that the moments of loneliness got fewer and I enjoyed going out and trying new things. These friends were the best thing that could have happened to me. Not every single one of them was available all the time, but I knew that if one was busy, I had another one to go to. I trusted and loved them and they trusted and loved me.
Of course since being out of high school, my friends and I have gone our separate ways and have drifted apart. But when we get together every once in a while, it's a great reunion and I enjoy it. Also since the end of high school, I have made other friends. Some became closer friends than others and some just stayed as acquaintances. But throughout these few years of being away from home and my friends there is one thing that I have always wondered: I think of them. Do they think of me?
I don't need to constantly be in contact with my friends. I don't have to hear from them all the time. I don't have to see them all the time. (Which was hard at first when I moved away from home, but I learned to cope.) But it's nice to be reminded every once in a while that they think of me and miss me. I miss all of them and think of them and the good times we had all the time. I'd like to think that I was a good friend, that I made a difference in their lives.
I value friendship. I truly believe that the friends we make are the family that we choose when you make the right connections. I once considered my friends to be my family because we had those connections. Now that we have grown up and gotten busy with life and growing up, I don't know anymore, because I don't know if I made the impact I thought I did. I don't hear from my friends often. I don't know what they are doing, how they are doing, or even where some of them are at. I don't need to know the details of their lives (even though I kind of want to). All I ask is that they don't forget me.
May 19, 2015
Friendship: What's the Point
What's the point of having friends if, when you finally get an opportunity to go home and see them, they don't come to see you?
What's the point of having friends if they are just going to ignore you when you try talking to them?
What's the point of having friends if all they ever do is complain and/or be negative?
What's the point of having friends if they always make empty promises?
What's the point of having friends if you don't know if they even remember you still exist?
WHAT'S THE POINT?!?!?!
It seems like every time I announce that I'm going to be home for some time and want to see my friends, all they ever do is say, "We should totally plan something and get together!" and then never, and I really do mean never, follow through. And then when I get back to wherever I am currently living and say something about having had a good time but missed seeing people, they all come up with excuses or say something to the effect of, "Sorry I missed you. Let me know when you'll be in town next," or they make excuses like, "I didn't know you that you were in town," even though I had said something. And don't even get me started on the excuses I got for when I said, "You should come visit me. I'm really not too far away." It was absolutely ridiculous!
That's what happened for the first two years that I lived away from home and far enough away that I didn't get to get away as often as I would have liked. After taking it for two years, I finally announced that I would no longer be saying when I was going to be in town next and if anyone wanted to see me, they had to come visit me. (This was when I was living in Jackson, WY, which is a 5 hour drive from SLC, my home.) In the two and almost a half years that I lived in Jackson, the only people who came and visited me were family and very few friends who mentioned that they would be stopping in town on their way up to Yellowstone.
Now that I have lived closer (only a 3 hour drive from SLC) for a little over half a year, I still have only had family and two friends come visit. I understand that my friends are busy with school, work, families, and their lives, but I have made an effort to try to still be their friend and to me it seems like they have forgotten all about me, until they need me. It's like pulling teeth with them to try and meet up, even just for a few minutes to sit and talk and catch up. My best friend lives on an island while I'm still mainland USA and yet we still talk to each other often enough and whenever we are both home at the same time (which is rare) we always make time just for us. But guess what? She's the only one who has done this consistently! All of my other friends require multiple phone calls, text messages, Facebook messages, and emails before I can even get them to realize that I'm trying to get their attention.
But it seems like no matter what all I get in return to all I do is excuses, empty promises, and disappointment. I have done my best to make it to all the events that I can. I have done my best to give comfort, advice, help from a distance. I pray for all of my friends every single night. I think about all of them often. I miss them all. But I rarely hear for them. I don't know if they think about me. I don't know if anyone misses me. I don't know if they even think about me at all. I thought I had made some sort of impact on their lives at one point or another. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I was just the "go-to" gal when there were problems and no one else would help or listen. Maybe I was just the soundboard for ideas to be bounced off of. Maybe I was the odd one out whom everyone just tolerated. I don't know. I hardly hear from them.
I wish that I could live closer and get together more often. I wish I could be closer so that I could help out more efficiently. I wish I could make it to every wedding, party, and other events. I wish you all could meet the Squid and that I could meet all of your kids and spouses. I wish you would simply talk to me, see how I'm doing. I try to talk with all of you but I rarely get responses back.
My biggest wish for all of you, my friends, is that you are happy and loving life. Remember that I will always be here for you and I'm only a text message, phone call, email, Facebook message, or 3 hour car ride from SLC away. I love you all. I miss you all. I hope to see you all again at one point or another, but you have to at least make an effort.
What's the point of having friends if they are just going to ignore you when you try talking to them?
What's the point of having friends if all they ever do is complain and/or be negative?
What's the point of having friends if they always make empty promises?
What's the point of having friends if you don't know if they even remember you still exist?
WHAT'S THE POINT?!?!?!
It seems like every time I announce that I'm going to be home for some time and want to see my friends, all they ever do is say, "We should totally plan something and get together!" and then never, and I really do mean never, follow through. And then when I get back to wherever I am currently living and say something about having had a good time but missed seeing people, they all come up with excuses or say something to the effect of, "Sorry I missed you. Let me know when you'll be in town next," or they make excuses like, "I didn't know you that you were in town," even though I had said something. And don't even get me started on the excuses I got for when I said, "You should come visit me. I'm really not too far away." It was absolutely ridiculous!
That's what happened for the first two years that I lived away from home and far enough away that I didn't get to get away as often as I would have liked. After taking it for two years, I finally announced that I would no longer be saying when I was going to be in town next and if anyone wanted to see me, they had to come visit me. (This was when I was living in Jackson, WY, which is a 5 hour drive from SLC, my home.) In the two and almost a half years that I lived in Jackson, the only people who came and visited me were family and very few friends who mentioned that they would be stopping in town on their way up to Yellowstone.
Now that I have lived closer (only a 3 hour drive from SLC) for a little over half a year, I still have only had family and two friends come visit. I understand that my friends are busy with school, work, families, and their lives, but I have made an effort to try to still be their friend and to me it seems like they have forgotten all about me, until they need me. It's like pulling teeth with them to try and meet up, even just for a few minutes to sit and talk and catch up. My best friend lives on an island while I'm still mainland USA and yet we still talk to each other often enough and whenever we are both home at the same time (which is rare) we always make time just for us. But guess what? She's the only one who has done this consistently! All of my other friends require multiple phone calls, text messages, Facebook messages, and emails before I can even get them to realize that I'm trying to get their attention.
But it seems like no matter what all I get in return to all I do is excuses, empty promises, and disappointment. I have done my best to make it to all the events that I can. I have done my best to give comfort, advice, help from a distance. I pray for all of my friends every single night. I think about all of them often. I miss them all. But I rarely hear for them. I don't know if they think about me. I don't know if anyone misses me. I don't know if they even think about me at all. I thought I had made some sort of impact on their lives at one point or another. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I was just the "go-to" gal when there were problems and no one else would help or listen. Maybe I was just the soundboard for ideas to be bounced off of. Maybe I was the odd one out whom everyone just tolerated. I don't know. I hardly hear from them.
I wish that I could live closer and get together more often. I wish I could be closer so that I could help out more efficiently. I wish I could make it to every wedding, party, and other events. I wish you all could meet the Squid and that I could meet all of your kids and spouses. I wish you would simply talk to me, see how I'm doing. I try to talk with all of you but I rarely get responses back.
My biggest wish for all of you, my friends, is that you are happy and loving life. Remember that I will always be here for you and I'm only a text message, phone call, email, Facebook message, or 3 hour car ride from SLC away. I love you all. I miss you all. I hope to see you all again at one point or another, but you have to at least make an effort.
January 6, 2015
Facebook Friends vs Actual Friends
According to Wikipedia, the original purpose of Facebook was to allow college students to get together and talk about their majors online. After a couple of years, Facebook was bought out and offered to the public. Since it has been opened up to anyone 13 years old and up who have an email address, Facebook has changed over and over again and I feel it has lost its initial purpose: to bring people together to connect.
When I joined Facebook, I thought it would be a great way to stay in contact with my family and friends who go to other schools, as well as friends who go to school with me. I am a shy person and opening up is a hard thing for me to do. So I also joined Facebook to help others get to know me, because I am more comfortable writing about myself than I am talking about myself.
Because I am a shy person I don't always do things that I should, which is one of my weaknesses that I am doing my best to overcome. I am also a very caring and loving person. When any of my friends or family are hurt or need me to stand up for them, I do my best to comfort and support them, but hardly ever do I stand up to someone for my friend. I absolutely dread confrontation and it scares me to the marrow of my bones. So if I ever stood up for someone, usually someone else instead of myself, it's because I'm extremely angry and have to release that anger.
I have been working on overcoming my shyness over the past 6 years and I have many people to thank for helping me throughout the years, but standing up for myself still terrifies me and that is because I am a caring person and don't want to hurt anyone. I hate hurting anyone, intentionally or accidentally. I have been hurt many, many times myself and I don't want anyone else to go through what I have been through.
When I got married, I never thought that in the first three years that I would live in three different cities/towns. I knew that my husband's job would move him around as he climbed the ladder, but I thought that climbing up the ladder would take longer and would be a slow ascent. However, the Lord had a different plan for us and I found myself packing up my apartment six months into my marriage and moving to another state. This move to a place I had never been before and knew no one at all. I quickly learned that I definitely needed to break out of my shell and get out of my comfort zone of keeping to myself. I needed to know people and make friends or I was going to crack and have a clinical mental break down.
And so I learned to be more comfortable with approaching people and asking questions to get to know them and to build friendships. I did have some help along the way from other people introducing themselves, introducing other people to me, or my husband introducing people to me, mostly people from work. After time I found it easier and easier for me to make friends and to open up to people. I also found I was talking about myself more without giving a thought.
There was a time last year when all that I saw on Facebook made me question my friends and their morals, standards, and even their intelligence. Some of my friends were posting things that were false, misspelled, grammatically incorrect, as well as gross, unnecessary, damaging, and down-right stupid. A lot of my friends got caught up with what is considered okay today to post online: food, cuts, broken bones, hashtags, etc. And these posts made me rethink the friends that I had made. I thought that I had intelligent friends.
After a few posts from different people posting pictures of their cuts with blood, I kindly asked that my friends stop posting those kinds of pictures because I as well as many other people are squeamish and can't handle the sight of blood. I didn't target anyone in particular. I didn't call out any of my friends in the status. I simply made a request that I felt was reasonable. And one of my friends, or I thought she was my friend, laughed at me and I flipped a switch and started to stand up for myself. Luckily, I had the tact to move our discussion to private messages before it got out of hand and that is when I realized that I needed to re-evaluate my friends and cut out those I felt didn't appreciate my friendship.
I have almost always been loyal to my friends and I expected the same loyalty in return, because friendship is important to me and I do not take it for granted. So I did a huge purge of my friends and only kept family members, close friends, role models, and those who expressed they would like to keep in contact with me. I went from almost 300 friends down to 123, 52% of those being family members. I have since then added a few friends, but I haven't added just anyone. Only those whom I know without a doubt are truly my friend are those who get to see into my personal life and keep up with me and what I'm doing. In other words, I kept my actual friends.
Friends Fight for you, Respect you, Include you, Encourage you, Need you, Deserve you, and Stand by you. I will not take friendship lightly nor for granted and all I ask from my friends is the same thing. Don't take me for granted because I truly love and care about you.
When I joined Facebook, I thought it would be a great way to stay in contact with my family and friends who go to other schools, as well as friends who go to school with me. I am a shy person and opening up is a hard thing for me to do. So I also joined Facebook to help others get to know me, because I am more comfortable writing about myself than I am talking about myself.
Because I am a shy person I don't always do things that I should, which is one of my weaknesses that I am doing my best to overcome. I am also a very caring and loving person. When any of my friends or family are hurt or need me to stand up for them, I do my best to comfort and support them, but hardly ever do I stand up to someone for my friend. I absolutely dread confrontation and it scares me to the marrow of my bones. So if I ever stood up for someone, usually someone else instead of myself, it's because I'm extremely angry and have to release that anger.
I have been working on overcoming my shyness over the past 6 years and I have many people to thank for helping me throughout the years, but standing up for myself still terrifies me and that is because I am a caring person and don't want to hurt anyone. I hate hurting anyone, intentionally or accidentally. I have been hurt many, many times myself and I don't want anyone else to go through what I have been through.
When I got married, I never thought that in the first three years that I would live in three different cities/towns. I knew that my husband's job would move him around as he climbed the ladder, but I thought that climbing up the ladder would take longer and would be a slow ascent. However, the Lord had a different plan for us and I found myself packing up my apartment six months into my marriage and moving to another state. This move to a place I had never been before and knew no one at all. I quickly learned that I definitely needed to break out of my shell and get out of my comfort zone of keeping to myself. I needed to know people and make friends or I was going to crack and have a clinical mental break down.
And so I learned to be more comfortable with approaching people and asking questions to get to know them and to build friendships. I did have some help along the way from other people introducing themselves, introducing other people to me, or my husband introducing people to me, mostly people from work. After time I found it easier and easier for me to make friends and to open up to people. I also found I was talking about myself more without giving a thought.
There was a time last year when all that I saw on Facebook made me question my friends and their morals, standards, and even their intelligence. Some of my friends were posting things that were false, misspelled, grammatically incorrect, as well as gross, unnecessary, damaging, and down-right stupid. A lot of my friends got caught up with what is considered okay today to post online: food, cuts, broken bones, hashtags, etc. And these posts made me rethink the friends that I had made. I thought that I had intelligent friends.
After a few posts from different people posting pictures of their cuts with blood, I kindly asked that my friends stop posting those kinds of pictures because I as well as many other people are squeamish and can't handle the sight of blood. I didn't target anyone in particular. I didn't call out any of my friends in the status. I simply made a request that I felt was reasonable. And one of my friends, or I thought she was my friend, laughed at me and I flipped a switch and started to stand up for myself. Luckily, I had the tact to move our discussion to private messages before it got out of hand and that is when I realized that I needed to re-evaluate my friends and cut out those I felt didn't appreciate my friendship.
I have almost always been loyal to my friends and I expected the same loyalty in return, because friendship is important to me and I do not take it for granted. So I did a huge purge of my friends and only kept family members, close friends, role models, and those who expressed they would like to keep in contact with me. I went from almost 300 friends down to 123, 52% of those being family members. I have since then added a few friends, but I haven't added just anyone. Only those whom I know without a doubt are truly my friend are those who get to see into my personal life and keep up with me and what I'm doing. In other words, I kept my actual friends.
Friends Fight for you, Respect you, Include you, Encourage you, Need you, Deserve you, and Stand by you. I will not take friendship lightly nor for granted and all I ask from my friends is the same thing. Don't take me for granted because I truly love and care about you.
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