Food For Thought

Vocabulary time!
Food for thought: something that warrants serious consideration. 

But when you hear this phrase, what do you really think it means? I asked my friends on Facebook. I got a few sarcastic/funny responses, but there were a few that I got that hit it right on the nose: 

Something to think about. 

A fact or idea that stimulates thought process.
Something you read that gets you thinking about improving society and/or yourself.
Something someone tells you to think about. 

From the definitions, it is very clear what the phrase "food for thought" means. 

So why is it that we as a society have to open our big online mouths even when we see a phrase even similar to "food for thought"? Why can't we just think about what has been said and keep our opinions and thoughts to ourselves? 

Why is it that we feel so comfortable saying whatever we wish online but, if the exact situation was presented in person, we would clam up and not say it? It's because when we are online we are never literally faced with the hurt that we may cause. Online we "can be anyone we want to be and do whatever we want to do," as some people may think. When we are all online, we don't regard others' feelings. When we are online, we forget that the other people who are also online are also human. We become robots. We disregard the needs and wants of those we virtually interact with. We think we become "courageous" and "brave" when we are online. We really become vile, mean, and cruel. 

Whatever happened to "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all"? When did people become so mean, especially online? What happened to think about others and their feelings before saying anything? I know that this life can be hard and cruel, but that's only because we have let ourselves become hard and cruel and mean. Why did we let that happen? Why can't we change back to the kind and caring people we should be? 

I want to put a challenge out there. Not everyone out there on the internet is looking to start a debate. Not everyone out there is looking for others' opinions. Not everyone is looking for an answer/comment/remark. Here's the challenge:

N also stands for Necessary. If it's not necessary to post, don't post it.

Let's make this world better one post, comment, status, tweet, etc. at a time. Be the better you that you can be. Or in lame-man terms: "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all". Don't look to one up or be "high and mighty". Be helpful. If you can't do that, don't do anything. Let's respect other's wishes and if you read "food for thought," just think about what they have to say. Keyword: think.

A Confession

For when the going gets tough,

For when you have reached the end of your rope,

For when you feel helpless and alone,

For when you believe there is nothing else,

For when you are faced with yet another trial,

For when you think you have done all you can,

Or for when you just need a reminder,

Please remember,

All you have to do is find it. 

We all have a fight to fight,

A trial we are facing,

And every once in a while we may feel helpless,

Hopeless,

Alone,

Unloved, even. 

But you are not alone. 

There are others out there who are going through the same thing. 

I have been dealing with Postpartum Depression lately. 

It's hard.

Especially when I get it stuck in my head that I'm alone.

It's hard to shake those thoughts and push pass them.

It's hard when I feel like I'm stuck in a rut.

Sometimes my most favorite things don't even cheer me up.

Sometimes I feel completely and utterly alone.

Sometimes I don't even want to get out of bed.

Sometimes I don't feel like doing anything at all,

Just want to sit and watch TV.

Sometimes I don't even want to do that.

I have been hiding the secret of my PPD for too long.

It doesn't always happen right after having a child.

It can happen any time up to a year after childbirth.

Did you know that?

I didn't.

Not until my son turned 8 months.

That's when I became a victim of PPD.

After suffering alone for 2 1/2 months, I finally told someone.

That is the best thing I did.

I told about how I had felt lately.

It was a great start.

I now take each day one at a time and try my best.

If I need to, I take it one hour at a time.

If I feel like I have failed that day, I have the support I need.

And I know and remind myself that there's a new day tomorrow and I can try again.

I know I am not alone.

I may not always remember it,

But I do know it.

If you are experiencing depression, anxiety, loneliness, or other negative feelings, please reach out to someone you trust and ask for help.

It just might save a life.

Being a SAHM Sucks

Being a stay at home mom sucks. Well, maybe not completely, but there have been times when I wish I wasn't a stay at home mom.

In my situation, FATMAN! and I only have one car. So every day he takes the car to work and I stay home with baby. I do have a stroller if I wanted to go anywhere, but anywhere I want to go is not exactly in walking distance. And it's summer right now. Too hot to walk anywhere most days. 

I only interact with one person all day, every day. Well, not person, per say. A BABY! A tiny human being who can't talk, can't walk, can't take care of himself on even the simplest of levels. I am his caretaker every second he is awake. When he goes down for a nap, sometimes I get some time to myself, but I never know for how long. But oft times I use that time to clean up after the Squid and do the bare minimum to take care of myself (i.e. food, clothes, etc.). I don't even get to shower in the mornings anymore because Squid's naps are so unpredictable. I have to shower at night after the Squid has gone to sleep for the night. It's nice and relaxing right before bed, but it's not ideal. And because all of my attention is on Squid, I don't have a lot of time to clean and the time I do have to clean (naptime) I can't do some of the cleaning because I have to be quiet to let him sleep. 

I only ever see one other person every day and that's FATMAN! after he gets home from work late most nights. I only see and interact with two people every day. I am a people person. As much as I hate people in general (which is a post for another week), I need people. I need to be around and interact with people. I hate being and/or feeling alone. So, every so often I actually get depressed because the only time I get to interact with people is on Sundays at church (except that now I'm behind the piano again and don't get as much interaction as before). I do grow tired of seeing the same faces all the time, but how do I explain that to my husband? How do I say that I don't want to see him because I see him all the time? I love my husband, but change is good. 

I used to work. I got my first job as a senior in high school and have had a job ever since then until the Squid came. I am used to working and interacting and helping people. Now I interact and help one person every day all day long (plus FATMAN! once he gets home). I don't mind helping him grow and learn and I love watching him do those things, but it's hard to adjust from having a job where you help many people to a job where you only help one person (who doesn't even count as a full person in my opinion). I guess that is why whenever I see one of my friends or family members in need through Facebook, I immediately want to help in any way I can (though I don't have the time I need and want to help). 

As much as I love being a stay at home mom to raise my son and to save money, I do hate it, too. It's not the life I thought I would have. It's not all fun and games like some people think it is. I know, I know. "The grass is greener on the other side." But that doesn't mean it's easier to deal and be happy. 

The Need for Friends

I'm going to get right to the point: I need people. More specifically: I need friends. I need people who will hang out, talk, laugh, and (for lack of a better term) play with me. I need people who will care about me, try to help me, and know when to bring me cookies. I need someone who will be my friend without me asking. 

I'm not the most out-going person in the world. I'm not the shyest. But I have been hurt many times and because of that I have a hard time opening up to, trusting, and making connections with people. However, if someone were to make an effort or reach out and try to get to know me, I would do my best to open up and be a friend in return. I can be the most loyal friend you ever meet, if you give me the friendship I need. 

I've had my bouts of loneliness in my life. But after finding some amazing friends in high school who took the time to get to know me and care about me I found that the moments of loneliness got fewer and I enjoyed going out and trying new things. These friends were the best thing that could have happened to me. Not every single one of them was available all the time, but I knew that if one was busy, I had another one to go to. I trusted and loved them and they trusted and loved me. 

Of course since being out of high school, my friends and I have gone our separate ways and have drifted apart. But when we get together every once in a while, it's a great reunion and I enjoy it. Also since the end of high school, I have made other friends. Some became closer friends than others and some just stayed as acquaintances. But throughout these few years of being away from home and my friends there is one thing that I have always wondered: I think of them. Do they think of me? 

I don't need to constantly be in contact with my friends. I don't have to hear from them all the time. I don't have to see them all the time. (Which was hard at first when I moved away from home, but I learned to cope.) But it's nice to be reminded every once in a while that they think of me and miss me. I miss all of them and think of them and the good times we had all the time. I'd like to think that I was a good friend, that I made a difference in their lives. 

I value friendship. I truly believe that the friends we make are the family that we choose when you make the right connections. I once considered my friends to be my family because we had those connections. Now that we have grown up and gotten busy with life and growing up, I don't know anymore, because I don't know if I made the impact I thought I did. I don't hear from my friends often. I don't know what they are doing, how they are doing, or even where some of them are at. I don't need to know the details of their lives (even though I kind of want to). All I ask is that they don't forget me.

Loneliness

"If you feel so alone, why work so hard at being popular?"
"Well, it beats being alone all by yourself."
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Often I have been told that it's better to be alone by yourself than alone in a crowd. After watching the episode of Buffy where the above conversation took place, it got me thinking. Is it better to be alone in a crowd than to be alone by yourself? 

I have had my own experiences of feeling alone, both in crowds and all by myself. As I reflect on them, it is my opinion that it is worse to feel alone in a crowd. 

When you are feeling alone all by yourself, you are truly and completely alone. There is no one else around. There's no one to try and cheer you up. There is no one around to try and understand what's going on. There is no one around to "fix" things. Sometimes being alone is what is needed to get out of the funk that you are stuck in. Sometimes you just need to figure things out on your own. It isn't always bad to be alone. Being alone every once in a while can be healthy. . 

Of course, if you are alone all the time, maybe you do need some help. Feeling alone all the time is not at all healthy. There are many people out there who can help you if you need someone. All you have to do is look and ask for help.  

But being alone all by yourself is not fun. Being alone because of a situation, like moving, is something hard to get out of, especially if you are shy and not as out-going as you thought you were. It's hard being cooped up all alone with nowhere to go and with the one and only person you know working all the time. And even when you do get out and find people it can be hard to open up and try to meet people and make friends

Being in a crowd and feeling lonely is awful. There's all of these people around and you try to join in the fun but you don't feel accepted or acknowledged. I remember a dance I went to a few years ago where I felt like I was ignored by everyone, including my date and my best friend. That is a night I wish I could forget because I was all alone but I was surrounded by people. People I knew. People I cared about. People I thought cared about me. People I thought were my friends. Now it is different when the people in the crowd are strangers. It's more normal to feel alone when you are surrounded by people you don't know or care about. Or...at least I think it is. I've only every had that happen to me once. 

Feeling alone is awful, but I think that being in a crowd and feeling lonely is a lot worse than being alone by yourself. It's hard to feel alone. It's hard to try and combat the loneliness sometimes. But loneliness can be overcome. It may be hard, but it can be done if you just ask for help.