When a TV Show Speaks to You

Yesterday I was watching one of my new favorite shows on Netflix before my toddler woke up in the morning. The show is "One Day At a Time". It's about a Cuban-American family and their struggles. It's a comedy, but it also talks about serious issues seriously. Season two was recently added and I've been enjoying it just as much as season one. 

Then I watched Season 2 Episode 9 yesterday. 

It's been a long time since an episode of a TV show spoke to me and made me feel like it was talking about me. 

As I have talked about in the past, I have PTS from giving birth. I was put on medication to help. And it did help! Four months (or so) ago, my prescription ran out. And I chose not to renew it. The first month was the worse! I was irritated, felt sick, and emotional over everything all the time. Then my hormones seemed to balance out. 

But I'm still irritated all the time and a lot of days I just want to go back to bed. I don't want to do a lot of things that I used to do. I don't feel like a good mom because I feel like I'm always getting after them and not loving them as much as I should. I get mad at every small inconvenience or "stupid" or "wrong" thing my husband has done (or something he hasn't done that he "should have").  Basically, I feel like I'm more mad and frustrated with everything than happy and enjoying life. 

Season 2 Episode 9 is about PTS and going off medication (so she didn't have to keep it a secret anymore). The irritation, sickness, and lowness that Justina Machado portrayed is so true it hurts. Her character snapped and yelled at her best friend, stood up her boyfriend and his parents, and other things because she had gone off her medication and was reverting back to who she was before the meds and after her military service. 

It was an eye opener to me. Lately I've been wondering why I was so mad at my life and everyone in it. Yes there are those who have done or said something that is worthy of me being mad at, but my kids not getting along or not listening to me shouldn't make me see red every time. After thinking about it all day yesterday and sleeping on it, I think I need to talk to my doctor about going back on my meds. I don't want to be on them all the time, but one line that was said in the episode has stuck with me ever since I watched it: "[It's] something you don't want that you have to have for the rest of [your life]." I think I need help, even though I don't want it. 

I Made a Recipe!

I LOVE to bake! Especially during the holiday season where I can over bake and not have to worry about gaining weight because I just give them away. 😆

Anyway, joking aside, I usually don't experiment when baking. I stick to what the recipe says because I don't like to chance ruining anything. But for some strange reason that I am unaware of, I broke that rule! 😯 AND it worked!!! 

So now I want to share my recipe with you all! Please feel free to try it out for yourself and if you have any additions to add, comment with them below!

Chocolate Orange Cookies

1 Orange Cake Mix
1/3 C Cocoa Powder
Zest from 1 Large Orange
2 Eggs
1/2 C Vegetable Oil
1/2 C Mini Chocolate Chips (I didn't really measure out the chocolate chips so feel free to adjust as you see fit)

Instructions
-Preheat oven to 350 degrees and line cookie sheets with parchment paper.
-Sift together orange cake mix and cocoa powder together into a large bowl. 
-Add the orange zest.
-In a small bowl, crack your eggs and add vegetable oil. (I always crack eggs into a separate bowl in case I get egg shells in with my yolk, which happens a lot. Feel free to add eggs and oil into the large bowl if you are confident enough.) Add eggs and oil to large bowl. 
-Stir together until well combined. 
-Fold in mini chocolate chips
-Using a small cookie scoop (I use one that's about 1 1/2 TBSP big) drop dough onto cookie sheet about an inch apart.
-Bake cookies for about 5-8 minutes.
-Cool cookies on pan for 2-3 minutes and then remove to a cooling rack. 

ENJOY!!! 
Merry Christmas!

Who Rescued Who?

I know I haven't posted anything in a long time and that's because I don't have time to write.
I have a lot of different posts coming, it's just a matter of finding the time. 
Luckily, this morning I have some. 

A little over a month ago, my family and I adopted an elderly chihuahua.
She used to belong to an elderly woman. 
When this woman was put into a nursing home, Lucy was abandoned. 
She was later found by a great organization near me. 
I met Lucy in July at our local Petco and immediately fell in love with her. 
So I started saving so I could adopt her. 
My hope was that she would serve as a companion to me since FATMAN! works all day long and I still struggle with PTSD. 

In October, on my anniversary, Lucy became ours!
She has been an absolute blessing!
Every time I start having any kind of trouble, she comes over and lays next to me. 
If I don't immediately show her some attention, she forces herself onto my lap. 
Not only has she been a great companion and emotional support, the spirit she brings is calming as well. 
She's older so she mostly sleeps during the day, but she's always tentative and aware.

And the boys love her too. 

Every day I wonder what I did to be so blessed to have such an amazing spirit come and rescue me. 

To be Kind

I know people aren't perfect. 

I know people aren't perfect.

I know people are not perfect!!!

Do you understand that? Do you get it?

If not, please tell me how I can make you understand that I know people aren't perfect.

I am not perfect and I don't expect others to be perfect. 

I don't expect others to be perfect. 

I do not expect others to be perfect!

However, I do expect them to be KIND. 

The main reason why I don't like going to church is because people aren't KIND and loving.

In the Mormon church, we are taught from a very early age that we should be like Jesus. 

More specifically, we are taught to be kind to and love and accept everyone. 

So, why is it that some people who attend the Mormon church with feel like it is appropriate and okay to go up to someone and say mean, hurtful, and/or rude things about them to their face?

Or to speak up just loud enough for someone to hear when they are talking about that person behind their back?

Or to gossip about anyone at all, especially in the church to fellow church members about other church members?

Kindness is not earned. 

Kindness is expected of all of us. 

We should always be kind because you never know what the person you are talking to or about is going through. 

You don't know their battles, secret thoughts, struggles, etc. 

One mean comment could send them into a depression so deep they could end it all. 

One mean comment could be just the right trigger for suicide. 

One mean comment could be the last thing you say to that person because you just drove them away. 

I know we live in a world full of terror and awfulness. 

But we can change this world for the better with just being kind. 

Do one kind thing. 

Say one kind thing. 

Send a loving message to that one person you've been thinking about. 

All it takes is 30 seconds. 

And always remember: "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothin' at all." (Bambi)

I don't expect anyone to be perfect. 

I do expect people to be kind, especially those who call themselves Christians.

You do not need to be perfect to be kind. 

Early Morning Thoughts on the Couch

As I'm laying here on the couch early in the morning, yet again, all by myself, I can help but have the following thoughts:

I miss this. 
I miss being able to watch whatever I want whenever I want. 
I miss being able to wake up on my own without any crying or screaming.
I miss being able to do whatever I want whenever I want. 
I miss not worrying about two littles.
I miss not being in so much debt from creating littles that don't even look like me!
I miss being comfortable.
I miss sleeping the morning away.
I miss going to sleep at night and not being woken up by a little hand smacking my face.
I miss not being a mom.

But then I walk down the hall to wake up Squid. As I open the door and see that he's awake, I can't help but crawl into his tiny bed and snuggle with him as he tells me about his dreams and have the following thoughts:

I missed you.
I missed playing with you all day long. 
I missed helping you get food, get dressed, etc.
I missed holding you in my arms.
I missed telling stories with you.
I missed doing puzzles with you.
I missed chasing you around the couch/house just for fun.
I miss your brother Kickboxer.
I missed being a mom. 

Motherhood is so weird. You hate being a mom and being responsible for two littles and can't wait until they are in bed so you can have a minute to yourself. But as soon as you get a moment to yourself, you miss those littles and just want them with you all the time.