To be Kind

I know people aren't perfect. 

I know people aren't perfect.

I know people are not perfect!!!

Do you understand that? Do you get it?

If not, please tell me how I can make you understand that I know people aren't perfect.

I am not perfect and I don't expect others to be perfect. 

I don't expect others to be perfect. 

I do not expect others to be perfect!

However, I do expect them to be KIND. 

The main reason why I don't like going to church is because people aren't KIND and loving.

In the Mormon church, we are taught from a very early age that we should be like Jesus. 

More specifically, we are taught to be kind to and love and accept everyone. 

So, why is it that some people who attend the Mormon church with feel like it is appropriate and okay to go up to someone and say mean, hurtful, and/or rude things about them to their face?

Or to speak up just loud enough for someone to hear when they are talking about that person behind their back?

Or to gossip about anyone at all, especially in the church to fellow church members about other church members?

Kindness is not earned. 

Kindness is expected of all of us. 

We should always be kind because you never know what the person you are talking to or about is going through. 

You don't know their battles, secret thoughts, struggles, etc. 

One mean comment could send them into a depression so deep they could end it all. 

One mean comment could be just the right trigger for suicide. 

One mean comment could be the last thing you say to that person because you just drove them away. 

I know we live in a world full of terror and awfulness. 

But we can change this world for the better with just being kind. 

Do one kind thing. 

Say one kind thing. 

Send a loving message to that one person you've been thinking about. 

All it takes is 30 seconds. 

And always remember: "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothin' at all." (Bambi)

I don't expect anyone to be perfect. 

I do expect people to be kind, especially those who call themselves Christians.

You do not need to be perfect to be kind. 

I Don't Want to Go to Church

I want to start by saying that this isn't directed at anyone in particular. It's just something that I've been going through as of late and I can't hold it back any longer. If I offend anyone, that is absolutely not my intention. 

I hate going to church. Absolutely dread it every week. 

It's not that I don't believe, though I have my doubts and issues. I do believe in God and Jesus Christ and in the basic teachings of the church. There are some things that have changed over the years that I don't necessarily agree with and I have issues with them, but those aren't why I hate church. 

It's people. 

Most particularly, people who have been and are being taught to be Christ-like and loving no matter what and yet they aren't. People who don't think before they say something and offend or judge, unknowing to them. People who point out other's faults and become prideful over the fact that they don't have that fault and flaunt it. People who are total hypocrites! (I'm at fault at times here and I admit it.)

I go to church with a lot of older folk who are set in their ways and think that things are done one way or it's done wrong. Who aren't open to the possibility that there is a new way of doing things. Who think that whatever they have to say is more important than whatever is being discussed or taught, whether or not it pertains to the lesson. Their comments usually drive away the Spirit (at least for me) and are sometimes taken as offensive, even when it's not meant to be. Not all of the older folk in my ward are like this. There are some lovely adults who I look up to and love to hear what they have to say, but those people also think before they speak. 

Not saying that only the older folk are guilty of this. Sometimes the younger generations don't think before they speak either. There are times when the younger older adults (aka older than me) are trying to be helpful, but it doesn't come across that way. And there are often times when they will start an argument when there is no place for one. For example, I have mentioned in the past that I hate where I live and a handful of people overheard and took it upon themselves to defend the city and basically tell me that I'm an awful person for even thinking otherwise. I have stopped talking about the town whenever I'm at church and church functions because of that. 

But the worse part of church? The fact that hardly any of the parents take responsibility for their children and do what should be done, especially during sacrament meeting, the most important part of going to church. There just doesn't seem to be any common sense or claim when it comes to being a parent these days. Kids are running around like crazy, talking/screaming when the rest of us are trying to be reverent, sickness spreading like a plague!, and what are the parents doing? Nothing. They are sitting and ignoring their kids so that they can focus on the talk or lesson. They are not taking their child out of the room. They are not taking responsibility for the actions of their child. And they are relying on other adults or their older kids to take care of the younger ones, which makes matters worse. I'm trying to raise my kids to be respectful, decent human beings and it's hard for me to do that when they see every other kid acting out and not being disciplined. 

Then there are the leaders and teachers who don't do their callings (I'm guilty of this too at times, but I try my best). Teachers who aren't ready to teach, who don't seem to care. Leaders who don't know how to teach. Leaders who go say one thing one week and then another another week (or worse, in the same day). Teachers who don't do anything but just read the lesson word for word because that's what they think teaching is or don't care to take the time to plan. Leaders who are socially awkward and know it but don't change anything. If you are supposed to be someone who is supposed to lead, someone who people are supposed to look to, you should act like it. 

Then there are the people who believe that everyone else's business is their business too and they need to step in. Or they "self-appoint" themselves to do a certain role or task. That's not how the church works! If you haven't been asked to do a certain job or calling, DON'T DO IT! You are causing more problems than solving any. The church is organized in a way that works and helps, but when people stick their noses where they shouldn't be, the organization of the church tumbles and people suffer. 

Church should be a refuge from the storm and problems of the world (or something like that). But what happens when going to church leaves you feeling worse than before you went to church that morning (or afternoon)? What happens when going to church, that teaches to "love one another," leaves you feeling hurt and unloved most weeks? What happens when you dread going to church because you know there is a very high chance that you will have to interact with the same person who made an offending comment the week before? What ever happened to "If you don't have nothing nice to say, don't say nothing at all"? Did no one else ever see Bambi? What happens when I am told that I am in the wrong when I haven't done anything at all? This is the situation that I am in. I've been in this situation for a while and I've been in it before. I grew up in a ward very similar to my current ward and I hated it then too, but I didn't have a choice then. It just about drove me away. 

So, if I hate it so much, why do I keep going? At first, because it's what I was supposed to do. I was trying to "fake it 'til you make it." But that didn't help and I just hated it more and more as the weeks went on. Now I go because I'm scared of what my family and friends will think if they found out I stopped going. I suffer because I'm afraid of my family's judgment. I suffer in silence (until I get home) every week because I don't know what else to do. 

To end on a good note, there are a handful of people (some of them kids) who I call my friend and I love seeing them during the three hours every week because they make it just a little bit more bearable. But, unfortunately, it's not enough to relieve the pain I suffer. 

When What You Thought To Be True Changes

My heart is breaking.

There is nothing I can do about it.

I don't understand.

Why?

Why them?

They haven't done anything wrong.

Why punish the innocent?

Why deny them the blessings they deserve because of someone else?

I don't understand.

How can something I have grown up being taught to be true all of a sudden come with a condition?

I don't know what to do.

My heart aches.

I can't stop it.

I can't prevent it.

I don't know if it will heal.

As long as I am a mother, my heart will ache.

How can this be?

How can You say those things?

How can You deny them?

How can You keep them away?

They are Your children!

I don't understand.

I wish there was something I could do.

I wish I could see this through Your eyes.

I wish I could see what You see.

Now and in the future.

I pray that I may one day understand.

I pray that one day I may push past the hurt.

I pray that one day I may fully accept this.

Until that day, I pray for Your strength and understanding.

Please stay by my side and guide me.

Please help me to do what it is I need to do.

Please help me to see the way You see.

Why I Almost Left the Church and Why I Stayed

I am a Mormon. I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I believe in Jesus Christ and that he is the son of our Heavenly Father. I know that through Him and His power, Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon which is another testament of Christ. I believe we have a living prophet today. I know that we have the restored gospel here on earth once more just like when Jesus walked this earth. I know that Christ suffered so that I may be forgiven of my sins that I may return to my Heavenly Father and live with my family for eternity. I know all of this and more to be true. I have a strong testimony of these things. But even with such a strong testimony of the things I believe, I came very close to leaving the church and never going back. 

When I was first married, my husband and I lived in a ward that was made up of people living in apartments. So there were a lot of older people, new families, and newly weds. There were very few children who weren't babies. The majority of the members were older and set in their traditional ways. Many of these people had it set in their mind that once a man and woman were married that they were to start a family immediately. And a lot of the older women believed that they needed to have their noses in the business of the younger women and to give them as much advice as possible on making babies. 

My husband and I made a decision while we were engaged that we would wait a few years until we started a family. We prayed about it to make sure that our decision was right. We believe that the Lord is our best Guide through this life and that if we only have faith and ask for it, he will help us and guide us. Both my husband and I have learned many a time the hard way that listening and following the Lord's counsel is best. We both received the answer of "Yes, you need to wait before having children." And we were okay with that. 

One Sunday at church before Relief Society, I was talking to a fellow sister who asked me if we had any children. When I answered no, she asked if we were planning on having any soon. When I answered no again, a different older sister, who had been eavesdropping, basically told me that I was going to Hell because I wasn't planning on having children soon. I sat in the back of RS for the rest of the hour using all my will to not burst into tears and then did my best to put on a smile for the kids in Primary during the second hour. And then after the sacrament was past in Sacrament Meeting, I asked if we could leave and my husband took me home where I spent the rest of the day quietly kept to myself. I didn't tell anyone what had happened for a long time. The only thing that anyone knew was going on was that I didn't want to go to church. After a little bit of time, I gave the excuse that I didn't have any friends and didn't feel welcomed at church, which was true but it wasn't the whole truth. 

For weeks and weeks I dreaded going to church because I would have to face not only the one woman who voiced her thoughts about my child baring but the other women who "voiced" their thoughts and judgments in the looks they gave me. I was the one who "wasn't following the church" but still had the guts to show up each week. To be honest, the only reason I actually got out of bed and went to church each Sunday was for the kids. I loved teaching them songs, but that was the only thing I liked about church on Sundays. I knew the church was true and I believed the things I had been taught, but the women in that ward were so harsh and judgmental (which is the opposite of what we teach) that I wanted to stop going because I didn't want to have to face that hurt each week. 

Luckily (and unfortunately) a couple months after the incident, my husband got a job promotion that moved us to Wyoming. I was relieved that I never had to show my face to nor deal with those women in my ward again, but I was also scared of having to go to a new place where I knew absolutely no one. But then I looked at it as a new start. A blank slate where I could say anything about me that I wanted and hide the things about me I wanted to hide. When we got to our new place, I was very hesitant about going to church, especially that first Sunday. Side by side with my wonderful mother-in-law I walked in and sat in RS. That Sunday was the best church experience I had had in a long time. Anyone who came up and talked to me was very nice and didn't ask any personal questions. And it was only a matter of a couple of weeks before I had my first friends. 

If it wasn't for this new ward who was so welcoming and kind, I wouldn't still be active in the church. I know that people aren't perfect, but the one thing that our church teaches is to love one another, which is the second great commandment. Sadly, there are some people who still don't get that to be Christ-like we need to love everyone and not judge. It's sometimes easier said than done but that's what being Christian means. 

So, moral of the story: if you don't have anything nice to say, DON'T SAY ANYTHING! Also, be nice to everyone. You don't know what they are going through.