Why I Almost Left the Church and Why I Stayed

I am a Mormon. I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I believe in Jesus Christ and that he is the son of our Heavenly Father. I know that through Him and His power, Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon which is another testament of Christ. I believe we have a living prophet today. I know that we have the restored gospel here on earth once more just like when Jesus walked this earth. I know that Christ suffered so that I may be forgiven of my sins that I may return to my Heavenly Father and live with my family for eternity. I know all of this and more to be true. I have a strong testimony of these things. But even with such a strong testimony of the things I believe, I came very close to leaving the church and never going back. 

When I was first married, my husband and I lived in a ward that was made up of people living in apartments. So there were a lot of older people, new families, and newly weds. There were very few children who weren't babies. The majority of the members were older and set in their traditional ways. Many of these people had it set in their mind that once a man and woman were married that they were to start a family immediately. And a lot of the older women believed that they needed to have their noses in the business of the younger women and to give them as much advice as possible on making babies. 

My husband and I made a decision while we were engaged that we would wait a few years until we started a family. We prayed about it to make sure that our decision was right. We believe that the Lord is our best Guide through this life and that if we only have faith and ask for it, he will help us and guide us. Both my husband and I have learned many a time the hard way that listening and following the Lord's counsel is best. We both received the answer of "Yes, you need to wait before having children." And we were okay with that. 

One Sunday at church before Relief Society, I was talking to a fellow sister who asked me if we had any children. When I answered no, she asked if we were planning on having any soon. When I answered no again, a different older sister, who had been eavesdropping, basically told me that I was going to Hell because I wasn't planning on having children soon. I sat in the back of RS for the rest of the hour using all my will to not burst into tears and then did my best to put on a smile for the kids in Primary during the second hour. And then after the sacrament was past in Sacrament Meeting, I asked if we could leave and my husband took me home where I spent the rest of the day quietly kept to myself. I didn't tell anyone what had happened for a long time. The only thing that anyone knew was going on was that I didn't want to go to church. After a little bit of time, I gave the excuse that I didn't have any friends and didn't feel welcomed at church, which was true but it wasn't the whole truth. 

For weeks and weeks I dreaded going to church because I would have to face not only the one woman who voiced her thoughts about my child baring but the other women who "voiced" their thoughts and judgments in the looks they gave me. I was the one who "wasn't following the church" but still had the guts to show up each week. To be honest, the only reason I actually got out of bed and went to church each Sunday was for the kids. I loved teaching them songs, but that was the only thing I liked about church on Sundays. I knew the church was true and I believed the things I had been taught, but the women in that ward were so harsh and judgmental (which is the opposite of what we teach) that I wanted to stop going because I didn't want to have to face that hurt each week. 

Luckily (and unfortunately) a couple months after the incident, my husband got a job promotion that moved us to Wyoming. I was relieved that I never had to show my face to nor deal with those women in my ward again, but I was also scared of having to go to a new place where I knew absolutely no one. But then I looked at it as a new start. A blank slate where I could say anything about me that I wanted and hide the things about me I wanted to hide. When we got to our new place, I was very hesitant about going to church, especially that first Sunday. Side by side with my wonderful mother-in-law I walked in and sat in RS. That Sunday was the best church experience I had had in a long time. Anyone who came up and talked to me was very nice and didn't ask any personal questions. And it was only a matter of a couple of weeks before I had my first friends. 

If it wasn't for this new ward who was so welcoming and kind, I wouldn't still be active in the church. I know that people aren't perfect, but the one thing that our church teaches is to love one another, which is the second great commandment. Sadly, there are some people who still don't get that to be Christ-like we need to love everyone and not judge. It's sometimes easier said than done but that's what being Christian means. 

So, moral of the story: if you don't have anything nice to say, DON'T SAY ANYTHING! Also, be nice to everyone. You don't know what they are going through.