Love is the Key

This isn't a complaint. It's just some thoughts I have had on a topic that FATMAN! and I have talked about a lot. 

There's the saying, "You only hurt the ones you love." 

Why is that?

FATMAN! and I have had a conversation about this quite often. I think the answer is simple: You only hurt the ones you love because they care. The people you don't love, and therefore they don't love you, don't care because they don't care about you or what you do or say. 

I think it truly is that simple. 

So then, why do we hurt the ones we love? Why is it that we are hurting others? A lot of the time it's completely unintentional. It's saying or doing the wrong thing without realizing that it may be offensive. And at those times there's nothing you can do except to apologize afterwards. But what about when you purposefully hurt those you love? What happens then?

I have known of families who were divided because of at least one person who stuck their nose where it shouldn't have been and purposefully hurt their family. I would be lying if I said I have never done that. But what has happened to those families? They never see each other. They never get together and share stories, meals, laughter, or time together. Cousins never meet each other. Aunts and uncles never meet nieces and nephews. Grandparents only see certain grandchildren at certain times. But the biggest thing that happens is that there is no love being shared in the family. 

Love is the key. This is my mother-in-law's life motto (more or less) and FATMAN! has had many conversations with her about this phrase. There are many, many meanings behind the phrase and I'm sure that there are more to be discovered in the future. But the bottom line is Love is the key! To everything! Especially family. Without love, there is no family. Just people who carry the same blood who don't care about each other. Love is what truly ties a family together. 

This holiday season, let's please remember our families and how much we are grateful for and love them. I know I have said and done some nasty things in the past to my family members, but I truly am grateful for and love each and every one of my family members. I am not perfect and I am making my amends. But if there is one thing that I want my family to know is that I love them and am always thinking of them. 

No More Fruity Tootsie Rolls Before Bed

***SET UP: Present time. Present ages. Our story starts when I’m being picked up for a first date that I don’t remember agreeing to. Oh! And I’m sleeping over. Pete, my date, and I are joining Kiara and her date at the movies.***

Pete knocks on my door, I answer it, he grabs my over-night bag, and walks back to his van... which is being driven by his mom. We go to the arcade/movie theater/bowling alley/events complex. That’s where we meet up with Kiara and her date (I didn't catch his name) and make our way through the events complex to get to our movie theater. But it’s not your typical theater setting. There aren’t any enclosed rooms for one movie. There are about three 3-walled open areas all next to each other all showing the same move so that the dialogs don’t overlap. Each movie that was being shown had its own “section” throughout the complex. The five of us make our way to our movie section to see the latest Disney/Pixar movie and get settled in; Pete’s mom staying near the back to give us “couples” some privacy and the rest of us going towards the left-most wall to claim some bean bag type beds. They were giant bean bags but at the “top” of the bag there was a raised part that was extra stuffed to serve as a pillow. So we get settled in and the movie starts. We are sitting (from left to right one next to each other on the same bean bag bed) Pete, Kiara’s date, Kiara, and me, because Kiara and I were talking about something as we were settling in and didn’t pay attention to who was sitting where. So, the movie starts and after a while, I get up to go find the bathroom. Someone else in our section also gets up to leave. I get out of the area first and started to wander. I ran into my 10-year-old sister Rhea, who was there on a date as well. We start arguing about how she’s not old enough to date yet and that mom was going to be furious when she finds out and dad was going to be even madder... Rhea kept pointing out that I was on a date with someone I didn’t even like and that it wasn’t fair to Pete to lead him on like that... The arguing went on for a long time. Anyway, I finally had enough of the arguing and turned to go back to my movie. The guy who had left the movie area with me was standing there fuming and glaring at me. I had never seen this guy before. I didn’t know what his problem was. He pulled out a knife of sorts (it was more like a comb of very fine needles, but all the needles were right next to each other so it looks like a ragged blade) and started running at me. Pete was there to block the attack before I even understood what was happening. Pete’s block sent the knife flying but it didn’t stop my assailant. He kept charging towards me and ended up tackling me onto the floor. As he as pinned me down, sitting on top of me, and raised his arm ready to strike me, Pete tackled him from behind and took care of everything. I didn’t see how Pete took care of him because people had crowded around me as a wall of protection. I stood up after a little while and waited for the crowd to disperse. Pete walked towards me but there were 4 of him coming. I fell and the next thing I knew I was back at my movie, lying on a different bean bag bed than before with Pete lying next to me. When I had “come to,” Pete rolled over, made sure I was okay (I was just dazed and confused by all of what had just transpired), and then he kissed me, if you can even call it a kiss. It was the worse kiss I have ever experienced in my life! His lips were dry, hard, and small. He seemed to be hesitating while he kissed me and then he lingered a lot longer than he should have. But when he pulled away and laid back down, I was even more dazed and confused (mostly confused). After a few minutes of watching the movie, I remembered that he had knocked the knife out of my attacker’s hand and I asked if he was okay. He showed me where the knife had managed to cut into his fingers, tiny pin-pricks slowly oozing blood. I grabbed his hand and his fingers immediately looked better (somehow I had the power to heal wounds). It was at that time that Pete’s mom announced that she had gotten a room upstairs and that we “kids” shouldn’t do anything stupid or regretful. I left to change into my pajamas, came back, and curled up next to Pete, completely exhausted and ready for sleep, when the next movie started.

The End

When What You Thought To Be True Changes

My heart is breaking.

There is nothing I can do about it.

I don't understand.

Why?

Why them?

They haven't done anything wrong.

Why punish the innocent?

Why deny them the blessings they deserve because of someone else?

I don't understand.

How can something I have grown up being taught to be true all of a sudden come with a condition?

I don't know what to do.

My heart aches.

I can't stop it.

I can't prevent it.

I don't know if it will heal.

As long as I am a mother, my heart will ache.

How can this be?

How can You say those things?

How can You deny them?

How can You keep them away?

They are Your children!

I don't understand.

I wish there was something I could do.

I wish I could see this through Your eyes.

I wish I could see what You see.

Now and in the future.

I pray that I may one day understand.

I pray that one day I may push past the hurt.

I pray that one day I may fully accept this.

Until that day, I pray for Your strength and understanding.

Please stay by my side and guide me.

Please help me to do what it is I need to do.

Please help me to see the way You see.