Whoever says that marriage is easy is smoking something. There is nothing more frustrating than living with the one person you love the most because at times they can be the one person you hate the most because of something absolutely stupid.
People are not perfect and there is no easier way of realizing that than to live with someone. When you live with someone else, especially someone new, you learn that your ways are not the only way, and sometimes that isn't a good way. One person might have been raised with loading the dishwasher as you dirty dishes and the other person might have been raised to just leave everything in the sink for someone to do later. One might have the habit of locking the door after every time it is opened and one might have the habit of only locking it when the house is empty and at night before going to bed. Two people who have lived two different lives decide to live together and all of a sudden you learn you have to relearn how to live. You learn to make compromises or to deal with the other's habits and lifestyle.
There is the saying that you only hurt the ones you love. When you are living with the one person you love the most in the world, that is the understatement of the year! But you don't do it intentionally. And some times you don't even know that you have hurt the other. You could have said something that didn't quite come out right or wasn't said with the right tone. You could have left your socks on the floor for the umpteenth time. Or you could say one thing and end up doing something else. When these things happen, there are really three things you can do: 1) Ignore it; 2) Get mad about it; or 3) Talk about it. I highly recommend option 3, otherwise there becomes unnecessary tension between you two and that is never good. Talking about what bothers you and calmly coming up with solutions is always a great solution in any relationship, especially marriage.
One part of being married that is completely out of both of your hands is sleeping. Well, maybe not completely out of your hands. I don't know about most couples but my husband and I always have a battle while sleeping. He is not a still sound sleeper. He likes to spread out or curl up into a big ball (he is 6 feet 4 inches) and knee and elbows me in his sleep. There have been times when I have hit him while rolling over. And usually one of us hogs the blanket. The thing to remember is that you have no control over what you do in your sleep. You can't get mad over what the other does in their sleep. Just forgive and forget.
All relationships need a balance of give and take. If one person is always giving, they are going to get worn out quickly. To make a relationship work, you have to give the other person what they need, but you also have needs. Don't be afraid to ask for time or help or a little pampering. But, also, if you are being asked these things, you need to give whatever the other person needs, even if it is a little bit of alone time.
Speaking of alone time, just because you are married and are spending the rest of your lives together, you are still an individual. Take some time to remind yourself of who you are. I thought that being married meant that I would spend every possible moment with my husband, but I have found that even though that is the case, I do need some time to myself to do some things that I want to do that he doesn't or to just relax. Spending time with my husband is great and I absolutely love it, but sometimes I feel like I am an us. Sometimes I feel like everything I do is tied to what my husband does. Don't be afraid to break away for a little while to rediscover who you really are and don't be afraid to ask for that time to get away.
When you start having kids, your life changes completely. All of a sudden you go from taking care of two people (counting yourself) to taking care of three (or more). But the hardest part about having a child is trying to not put one above the other, especially as a mother. I love my son. I wouldn't trade him for the world. I also love my husband and can't imagine my life without him. Sometimes I put my son before my husband and I do feel bad about it but sometimes it is hard not to (one of the downsides to breastfeeding). Because I am a stay at home mom I get more time with my son than I do my husband and I have gotten into the mindset that my son comes first because he is always with me and he needs me to live. I try, but have a hard time at times, to be with my husband and to give him my attention, love, support, etc. Most days we don't get to do what we really want to do. Most days we don't get a lot of time to talk about us without being interrupted. Some days we bicker and fight over the littlest of things. But some days we get to have time to cuddle. Some days we get to hold hands. Some days we get to talk, even if it's just for a little while. And those days and moments when everything is going well are the days and moments that I treasure. Those moments are the best parts of my day after being spat up on, scratched, hit, and had my hair ripped out (literally). The moment my husband walks through the door after a long day at work is always great because I know that even for a moment, before either of us unloads and becomes busy taking turns with baby, everything is fine and there isn't a care in the world.
Marriage is hard. Add a baby and it's even harder. BUT if you are with the right person, the rest of your life with them will be completely worth it. It's hard work, but hard work brings the best rewards.
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