Dear Lady Who Skinny Shamed Me

The other day I was out in public and was stopped by a women who said, "There's something wrong here." I looked around to make sure I had everything and I could see nothing "wrong". After I looked back at her confused, she continued and said, "You shouldn't look that good right after giving birth. It's just not right." She may have meant it as a compliment, but it sure as heck did not come across as one. She was not the first to comment on how well I look but the way that she said it left me feeling sick and frustrated.



Dear lady who skinny shamed me, 

Thank you for noticing me and feeling like you needed to make a comment. However, what you said was a harsh, back-handed compliment and you should have thought about what you said before saying it. 

There is nothing "wrong" with me. So what if I've lost almost all of the baby weight two months after giving birth? What business is it of yours? 

You have no idea what I felt like when I was pregnant. You have no idea how uncomfortable I was in my pregnant body. You have no idea how much I am negative about my appearance, especially during and after pregnancy. 

Did you know that I had no tearing during delivery? Did you know I was given permission by my doctor to start working out as soon as I felt up to it? No, you didn't! Why? Because you didn't ask how I was. You didn't even sign up or offer to help me after I got home from the hospital. In fact, all you have said to me after delivery is that there is "something wrong" with how good I look after delivery. 

About 90% of the weight I gained while pregnant was all baby. I got sick with food poisoning about halfway through my pregnancy and lost a lot of the extra weight I had gained at that point. Then afterwards, I tried to eat healthy and do whatever exercise I could manage to help me not gain too much weight. So after delivery, I didn't have a ton of weight to lose, mostly just loose skin to tighten. After a few weeks, I was finally getting the energy to work out and Kickboxer was on a schedule where I found the time to get in a ten minute work out and start feeling more comfortable in my skin again. 

I'm still not where I want to be. I still have a pouch. I can still see many of my stretch marks. My butt and thighs are bigger than I wish they were. I have love handles. And I still have loose skin. But I am working on it, because I want to feel like me again. I want to feel comfortable in my body again. 

I'm not working out because I am vain. I'm not working out for my husband. I'm working out for me. I want to better myself. And if wanting to better myself and feel comfortable is what's "wrong" with me, you need to reevaluate your life and what you think "right" and "wrong" is. 

So, thank you for noticing me, but no thank you.

Sincerely, 
Sarah

Today Was a Bad Day

Today was a bad day.

Today I almost didn't get out of bed.

Today I yelled at my kids.
Today I was exhausted beyond belief from lack of sleep.

Today I sat on the couch and played on my phone.

Today I didn't want to hold my baby.

Today I had thoughts that I am ashamed of.

Today I didn't care if my toddler threw a fit.

Today I just let my baby scream.

Today I wanted nothing more than to just go back to bed.

Today I felt nothing.

Today I felt anger.

Today I just wanted to scream.
Today I have barely eaten.

Today I didn't want to be a mom.

Today I wanted my old life.

Today I wanted to run away.

Today I hid myself.

Today I didn't care about anything.

Today I cried.

Today my demons got the better of me.

Today was a bad day.

But tomorrow is a new day!

Tomorrow I have the chance to be better than I was today.

Tomorrow can be completely different.

Tomorrow hasn't been stained with negativity yet.

Tomorrow is a clean slate.

Tomorrow is a new chance.

Tomorrow could be a good day.

Tomorrow could be a great day!

Tomorrow I could defeat my demons.

Tomorrow I could be happy.

Tomorrow is a new day.

As you know, I recently gave birth to my second son. And as many of you know, with my first son I got hit with a mild case of postpartum depression when he turned 8 months old. I wish I could say the same thing again, but I'd be lying. This time around it's hit me much earlier and harder. But this time around I have gotten help sooner. I still have my bad days, but I can handle them a little bit easier. I just have to keep reminding myself that if today is a bad day, if yesterday was a bad day, if I've had many bad days in a row, tomorrow is a new day to try again.