I'm going to warn all readers now that this is a rant. I'm also going to be talking about some things that are hard to talk about and it is not my intention to insult, hurt, or burden.
I am currently pregnant, due with my third boy in December. I don't like attention, especially when I'm pregnant, but somehow I am yet the blinding beacon wherever I go and all anyone can talk with me about is my pregnancy.
And I HATE IT!
There is so much more to me than motherhood and pregnancy. If there wasn't then I don't know how I ever made friends or met and married FATMAN before becoming a mother. I wish people would just stop seeing me as "pregnant" or "mother".
Especially since people seem to think they can just say and do whatever they want without thinking about the hurt they may cause. There are many trials that pregnant women go through without anyone else's input or comments. (Then again we women in general go through so much without anyone else's input or comments, but that's a different post.) I've been holding in my anger, hurt, and frustration for far too long.
From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I yearned for a girl. Not because I'm already out numbered or because I want to do all the girly things (God knows I'm not that kind of female). I wanted a girl because I wanted something different. That's all. Just something a little different. So when I saw that baby #3 is a boy, yes, I was devastated and heartbroken, because I had let my hopes up. Later that same day, when I announced the gender, I can't tell you how many times people commented with "He will be just as loved." OF COURSE HE WILL BE LOVED! It's not like I'm going to give him away or get rid of him just because he's a boy! I prayed and prayed and prayed for this child for a year! A YEAR! My other two pregnancies happened so fast that I was starting to get scared that I wouldn't be able to have any more of my own. And that fear became even more so after I miscarried. So yes, he will be loved, but there was no need to say that. That comment (which I still get today) has hurt the most.
The other comment that has hurt more than others is "You can always try again" or "Your next one will be a girl." People hear me out hear me now: IF I get pregnant again is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! My sex life is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! Where your business and pregnancy are a common concern is with your own body. Stop meddling where you aren't to be meddling. Do you know how much heartache I went through month after month with each test? When you try for something and things don't go "according to plan," you get sad. When things don't go "according to plan" time and time again, you get depressed, angry, scared, anxious, worried, and, most of all, hurt. My heart broke each month when I was "late" and the test came back negative. I can not go through that heartache again. But me getting pregnant is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! So stay out of it!
"At least you're all set on clothes." No, actually. I'm not. For two main reasons. When we moved from Wyoming to Utah, we got rid of a lot of unnecessary items, including most baby items and clothes. We didn't need them at the time so we donated or sold what we weren't using to make room in the truck and to make more room in our new home. A lot of baby items are not collapsible and take up a lot of space that can be used more wisely, including boxes of baby clothes. Also, my other sons are summer babies. This one is going to be a winter baby. Even if I did still have all of those clothes, they would be the wrong kind. Too cold in the winter and too warm in the summer.
There have also been so many comments on how tiny I am. Some of them have been made in awe, some in jealousy, but most in unbelief and almost concern. Yes, I have been able to stay fit and not put on as much weight (so far) in this pregnancy. I was in a musical this summer, starting rehearsals right after I got the positive tests. I was dancing, walking, and working out all summer (with caution). Even with my first pregnancy, I ballooned and looked pregnant from early on and put on a lot of weight. I am so happy and proud that I have been able to keep my weight gain under control this time around and that I am small. BUT what so many don't understand is that because I haven't put on as much weight this time around, I have other physical issues. My body hurts even more this pregnancy, because my belly is all baby and my belly is heavy. My belly pulls in all directions and hurts my ribs, hips, and back. It feels like I'm carrying around a 20 lb medicine ball all day, every day. I move slower and slower every day, it's hard to get up off the couch or a chair or out of bed, and I have the worse case of acid reflux. I had heart burn with my other two boys, but this is so much worse and it will only get worse until after the baby comes.
And while we are talking about physical things, DO NOT TOUCH A PREGNANT BELLY! If you didn't put it there, you do not touch. Don't even ask. Don't even think about it. Just. Don't. It's awkward enough that we have to carry around this big heavy belly, don't make it more awkward by touching.
Honestly, there is so much more I want to talk about but I feel like I'd get nowhere. Please keep all comments to yourself, even if they are well intended. You have no idea how your comment may come across because you don't know the whole story.
One last topic. Pregnancy is a very touchy subject because so many women struggle. I am guilty of saying some thoughtless comments myself and I can't take them back. Before saying anything to anyone about pregnancy, miscarriage, abortion, fertility, etc., please stop and don't say it. Better to be a silent supporter or comforter, than one more person who said something without thinking. Every pregnancy is different. Every miscarriage is different. Every story is different. Don't assume that you know the right thing to say.
