So Tell Me What You Want, What You Really, Really Want

No, I'm not about to break (further) into song. I just couldn't think of a better title. :) 

Communication is when two (or more) people talk and listen to each other. It's as simple as that! So why is it so hard? Especially in relationships?! Why is it that we as humans want well working relationships (no matter what kind) but can't seem to understand how communication works?

Here is how it works (in a perfect world): Person A talks while Person B listens. Then Person B talks while Person A listens. Persons A or B may ask questions to clarify what the other is talking about or to move the conversation along. No interruptions are allowed. Everyone gets to say what they need to say. No judgment. No rude and/or hurtful remarks. No "one-overing" the other person. Everyone just simply talks thoroughly and listens thoroughly. 

SO WHY DOESN'T THIS WORK?! Why doesn't it happen? 

I don't understand why communication is such a rarity these days. You hear everywhere that "communication is the key" in a healthy relationship. I agree that it is one of the keys. It is one thing that helps a relationship grow and become strong. I also say that complete communication is not always necessary. There are some things that shouldn't be shared. There are some things that work out better when kept to oneself. 

I'm more of a listener than a talker when it comes to conversations. I've always been the quiet one who doesn't speak up unless needed, strongly prompted, or fully comfortable in the current situation. I stutter over my words when I'm nervous or frustrated. (Or excited, but that's a different story.) So I don't like to speak (mostly in public) unless I have to. I've always been the one in the background listening and trying to understand. But when I know I can help, I speak up. Sadly, my help is not always heard or understood and that's when things get complicated. 

Ladies, please don't get offended by this next part because it is true at least once in a while. We females don't always express what we want. We don't always say what's on our minds. We don't tell our significant other what we want from them. We just assume that they can read our minds and other "subtle" hints and clues. Guess what: it doesn't work that way! Just because our girl-friends (sometimes) can read our minds and know exactly what we want doesn't mean that our partners do too. We need to calmly tell our husbands, boyfriends, life partners what we need from them. Even if it's to pick something up off the floor because you can't bend over for one reason or another. And be clear. Tell him exactly what you want. If you can't do that, do it yourself. 

Men, your turn not to be offended. Guys, you need to talk. You need to tell us about what's bothering you, what you need help with, and what you want! Women may be mind readers and know what's going through your head, but we like to hear it from you. Also, actually talk! No one or two word answers. Use at least 6 words when answering a question. It would also help if you paid complete attention when talking with us or to us. If you are in the middle of a videogame and you are trying to talk with me, I'm not going to be taking you seriously and I'd be a little shocked if any woman did. When communicating, full undivided attention is extremely helpful. 

Can we please all take the time to communicate properly with each other? If you want attention, say you want attention. If you want food, say "I'm hungry. Will you please make me ___?" If you want to go to bed, say it. If you want to go somewhere, say it! Are you catching my drift? SAY IT!!! Talk with people. Listen to people. And having a filter between your brain and mouth wouldn't hurt either. Let's have better communication and save each other some headaches and heartaches. 

The Unfound Book

It was like any other normal, boring day for Samantha. School had gone well enough and now she was on her way to the library to get a head start on her newly assigned history report. The library was busy and Samantha had a hard time getting to the nonfiction section on the other side of the library.

When she got to where she needed to be, Samantha pulled out her list of books she can use in her report and started looking. As she found each book on her list, she flipped through and skimmed some pages to determine if it would be helpful or hindering. When she got near the bottom of her list, she had chosen two books to keep.

“What’s the topic of your next report, Sam?”

Samantha looked up to see the librarian only a couple of feet away trying to put books away. “It’s on fairytale legends. I’ve got a list of books I can choose from but I’m not sure which books would be best. Do you have a minute to help?”

The librarian took Samantha’s list and looked it over. “The two books you have are excellent books,” she said after a minute. “And this last book is a great one, too. Probably my favorite one. It’s over in that section over there.” She pointed to the next aisle over.

“Thank you so much!” Samantha said before pushing her way through the crowd.

After being shoved and dodging as much as she could, she finally made it over to the ancient mythology section. As Samantha scratched her head in wonder, she started looking for the recommended book. She knew how the filing system worked and she knew exactly where the book should be, but it wasn't there.

Samantha turned around and found the librarian. “Ms. Mathews, the book isn’t here. Do you know if it’s been checked out already?”

“No, hon,” the librarian said. “I just put it back on the shelf. It should be there.”

Samantha looked again and again but the book wasn’t there. As she started looking all around the suggested section of books, all of the people in the library started panicking and running toward the exits. Samantha got shoved out of the aisle and saw a boy she goes to school with standing on a table. He was wearing a big fluffy coat that hid whatever was creating such chaos. Samantha pushed her way back into the aisle to find the book when the boy cried out, “This library has lost all meaning of what a library truly is!”

Ms. Mathews ran into Samantha as Samantha was trying to make her way back up the aisle. “Oh, sorry dear. But I think it would be best if we leave. Don’t worry about the books. Take them with you and bring them back when you are done. Go!” And Ms. Mathews ran to the back room.

Samantha was so disoriented by what all happened in such little time and had to sit down. The library had gotten very quiet and there was no one else around. The screaming boy had even calmed down.

The next thing Samantha knew, she was waking up after the sun had gone down in the kids section in the library. She didn’t remember how she had gotten there and she didn’t care. All she wanted was to get home. She got up, gathered her bags and books, and made her way to the front doors to leave. On her way, she found the boy in the big fluffy coat sitting in an arm chair in the quiet reading area. He didn’t look up or say anything as Samantha walked past. He just sat in the chair with his arms on the armrests, his head leaned back with his eyes closed, and his coat opened. Samantha now saw that there was a bomb strapped to his chest and understood why there was such chaos, but didn’t understand why she was still alive.

Without a second thought, she raced out of the library toward home. As soon as she was across the street and one block away, she heard a very loud boom behind her. Without turning around, Samantha knew it came from the library. She pushed herself harder to run home faster.