Yesterday I was watching one of my new favorite shows on Netflix before my toddler woke up in the morning. The show is "One Day At a Time". It's about a Cuban-American family and their struggles. It's a comedy, but it also talks about serious issues seriously. Season two was recently added and I've been enjoying it just as much as season one.
Then I watched Season 2 Episode 9 yesterday.
It's been a long time since an episode of a TV show spoke to me and made me feel like it was talking about me.
As I have talked about in the past, I have PTS from giving birth. I was put on medication to help. And it did help! Four months (or so) ago, my prescription ran out. And I chose not to renew it. The first month was the worse! I was irritated, felt sick, and emotional over everything all the time. Then my hormones seemed to balance out.
But I'm still irritated all the time and a lot of days I just want to go back to bed. I don't want to do a lot of things that I used to do. I don't feel like a good mom because I feel like I'm always getting after them and not loving them as much as I should. I get mad at every small inconvenience or "stupid" or "wrong" thing my husband has done (or something he hasn't done that he "should have"). Basically, I feel like I'm more mad and frustrated with everything than happy and enjoying life.
Season 2 Episode 9 is about PTS and going off medication (so she didn't have to keep it a secret anymore). The irritation, sickness, and lowness that Justina Machado portrayed is so true it hurts. Her character snapped and yelled at her best friend, stood up her boyfriend and his parents, and other things because she had gone off her medication and was reverting back to who she was before the meds and after her military service.
It was an eye opener to me. Lately I've been wondering why I was so mad at my life and everyone in it. Yes there are those who have done or said something that is worthy of me being mad at, but my kids not getting along or not listening to me shouldn't make me see red every time. After thinking about it all day yesterday and sleeping on it, I think I need to talk to my doctor about going back on my meds. I don't want to be on them all the time, but one line that was said in the episode has stuck with me ever since I watched it: "[It's] something you don't want that you have to have for the rest of [your life]." I think I need help, even though I don't want it.
