I want to share a couple of stories, but I'm not exactly sure how to. And I'm not sure why. And I'm definitely shaking and crying as I do so.
A month or so ago, I was driving home from my parents' house with my two boys. My husband was out with his siblings in an area that might have spotty cell phone service. I was 2 maybe 3 miles into my drive home, stopped at a red light when BAM! I was rear-ended. Honestly, it wasn't that bad. It took me a few seconds to even realize that I was the one who got hit. Even in my stupor of thought, I calmly turned on my hazard lights, pulled over to the curb, and got out to check out the damage. There was some scratched paint from the license plate holder of the guy who hit me. I took a deep breath and went to said guy and was able to calmly talk with him and get his info. He was apologizing every other sentence and kept saying it was his fault (which it was) and insisted that he pay for the damage. I did my best that it was only a few scratches and that we would most likely not press any charges. After getting his info (and telling him again that we wouldn't press charges), I got back into my car. I looked back at my boys. Kickboxer was asleep (which is normal for him in the car). Squid said his head hurt a little, but that he was going to be okay. Then I called FATMAN and I fell apart. I told him what had happened, that there wasn't any damage, and that I was mostly just shocked that it happened at all. But after talking to FATMAN I was able to calm down and make it the rest of the way home safely.
Now, that may not seem like a miracle or anything special, but I say it is because of two things. When I was getting the boys into their car seats, I triple made sure that Kickboxer's straps were properly tight, even though it was hard because the straps kept getting caught under the cushions. I did that because I was prompted to. The guy who rear-ended me lives in Jackson Hole, WY. IF for any reason we did file a claim and IF for some reason his phone had been turned off, I had his address (verified from his ID) and knew exactly where it was, because I had lived in Jackson Hole for a couple of years. Those may be small, insignificant things, but to me, it made the whole event one big miracle.
Today the boys and I joined FATMAN and his parents for lunch at one of our favorite restaurants. But we didn't go to the same location as we normally do and had to drive for a little bit. On the way home to my in laws' house, I got stuck behind a slower than the speed limit truck. I looked in all my mirrors and over my shoulder and saw an empty space in the lane over, put my blinker on for a few seconds, checked over my shoulder again, and merged. It was clear! I swear that it was clear. I shifted lanes and there was another car right next to me getting closer to me. I realized at the last second that I had made a mistake and corrected. I don't know if I over-corrected one way or the other, but I lost control. My steering wheel kept turning back and forth, causing my car to swerve back and forth. I started to panic and try to take control back again. I did everything I could remember from driver's ed. And then I pushed a little too hard on the brakes and spun. I did a complete 180 and stopped, facing oncoming highway traffic. I thought my life and my sons' lives were over.
It is a HUGE miracle that I am here telling this story. It is a HUGE miracle that everyone around me saw me losing control and got out of the way, including the two cars right behind me that very quickly became right in front of me. They stopped with just enough room for me to turn around and get off the road into the median, out of the way of everyone. It is a HUGE miracle that NO ONE got hurt and NO ONE got hit.It is a miracle that there wasn't a drop off nor a ditch on that particular side of the highway. It is an even bigger miracle that I was the first to leave from lunch, because I was able to call my husband (who was in his work car) and tell him to pull over and stop when he got to me. My in laws saw me on the side of the road and also called my husband to have him stop and that they were going to turn around to come help if needed. I was a mess. I was shaking uncontrollably and bawling so hard I could barely see. When I saw my husband pulling up behind me, I slowly got out of the car and quickly, but cautiously, walked to him because I knew he would help. I didn't know how he could possibly help (because he had his own car to drive), but I knew he would.
I don't know how long I was on the side of the road. I don't know how long FATMAN just held me and told me that I did the right thing. Luckily, I was two exits, one and a half miles, away from a junction that would take me home a slower way. I was terrified to keep driving, especially on the highway, but I knew that I had to. After doing a full double check of my car and after FATMAN checked in on the boys for a second time, both of us got back into our cars and waited for an opening in traffic. I think the only thing that got me home was knowing that my husband was right behind me if I needed help again. (That and the fact that I was off the super fast highway and going slower.) I was terrified, but I did it anyway.
Over 3 hours after getting to my in laws' house, I had to drive home to my house. It was just 5 exits on the highway. I was terrified, but I had to do it because there was no one else who would do it for me. After stopping for dinner shortly after leaving my in laws', it was time to get on the highway and brave the drive. I stayed in my lane (the right lane, except for exit only lanes) the entire time and stayed at or below speed limit. FATMAN was behind me in his car. After the first exit, I started to panic. I started to hyperventilate. But something came over me and I started saying to myself, "You can do this. You've got this. You have made this drive before and nothing has happened. FATMAN is right behind you if you need help or decide to exit early and take the long way home," over and over until my exit came. I looked 5 times before I got into the exit lane. I looked 6 times while shifting lanes to get to the light that would take me home.
I'm only here today, writing this story because someone was watching out for me and helping me in unimaginable ways.
It is safe to say that I am terrified of driving on highways right now. It is safe to say that for the next little while I will not be driving if I don't have to. But I know that one day, I will have to drive the highway again and I won't have any other option. And I will do it while scared, but I will do it. And I will be whole again, someday.
Please, double and triple check while driving and don't get distracted by anything.
